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Friday Philosophy – Database Performance is In My Jeans February 5, 2016

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, humour.
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Database performance is in my jeans. Not my genes, I really do mean my jeans – an old pair of denim trousers. I look at my tatty attire keeping my legs warm and it reminds me of Oracle database performance.

comfortable, baggy, old, DW jeans

comfortable, baggy, old, DW jeans

You can buy jeans in a range of styles & sizes. Just as you can set up your database in a number of standard ways. When you create a database with the install wizard or the DBCA (database configuration assistant) you get to pick from a few options. OLTP databases are like skinny, butt-tight jeans that fashionably young things might wear. I’m more of a Data Warehouse type. I like lose, baggy jeans with lots of space. However, no matter how good the initial setup, performance will degrade. Your jeans will get stretched, stained, more baggy and generally tatty. But you also get used to the performance of your database, it’s oddities and how to live with them. Your baggy, saggy jeans become comfortable.

I'm a dab-hand at doing turn-ups and SQL tuning

I’m a dab-hand at doing turn-ups and SQL tuning

Of course, you probably need to alter your database somewhat to suit you performance requirements. You could go to a tailor to get them done (pay a consultant) and make your jeans a top-notch fit but it’s expensive. Or ask the shop to alter them when you buy them (get some oracle consultancy as part of the purchase deal, to do a pretty average job of changing things). Or, if your requirements are specific (I can never get trousers with a leg length to suit me for some odd reason) and you have your have some skills (I can drive a sewing machine and, if needed and I have time, I can hand-sew) then you can tailor your jeans to your needs yourself. Little changes like this are like a bit of SQL tuning. Hand sewing is messing about with trace files.

You fix one performance bottle neck only to find the next one

You fix one performance bottle neck only to find the next one

Of course, over time more major performance issues will occur and the cracks will show. Well, tears. Bits of the system will give way and you’ll have to patch them. Sometimes the patch is a bit of an obvious cludge, but heck it does the job. The other option is to just live with the gaping knee, which is like not fixing your performance issue and just letting your knee get cold. My business requirements don’t allow for this, I need my knee covered and protected from the brambles and spiky stuff around the garden. And just like performance tuning, you fix one performance problem only to reveal the next point of weakness. The point of most stress in my jeans are the knees, what with all the gardening, crawling through hedges, kneeling in the dirt and grovelling to the wife. I patched that big tear across the knee – and within 2 weeks a new one started, just a little lower. You fix your critical batch load that is doing too much physical IO and now your problem is redo generation in the next step! I did not fix my performance bottle neck, I just moved it down the damned leg!

All those little tears needed a lot of fixing

All those little tears needed a lot of fixing

Many of us get tears in the knee of our jeans, it’s a common performance problem. But some performance problems are more esoteric. Not many people have had to patch the bottom of their jeans due to doing battle with barbed wire (and losing). I could do with self-healing jeans to match the self healing leg. I suppose with the latest dynamic performance tricks in the optimiser, we sort-of have self healing databases. I tried patching it with just the sewing machine but the damage was too great and so a swatch of fabric behind the area and a craze of zig-zag stitch is holding it all together. Maybe that’s like using row-level-security to allow different customer to see just their set of data. It works but it was a tad over-engineered.

Of course, over the years the requirements for your database and it’s performance are likely to vary and you might need to do more than a bit of sql tuning or tweaking of indexes. The sewing machine can’t fix all the problems with my tatty old jeans, especially as the workload first grew, shrank, and grew again. I needed a new performance enhancement tool. A belt. It’s stopped them falling down around my knees and also stopped them from cutting off the blood to my legs, depending on how well I’ve done at archiving off excess calories I no longer need.

Addition of a Modifiable Girth Control device

Addition of a Modifiable Girth Control device

The sad thing is, despite all my hard work, I think I’ll have to pension off these jeans soon. Just like computer system I’ve looked after for a while, I know where I am with them and I’ll miss them when I do a hardware refresh.

So there you go. How many of you thought that you could be reading about a tatty pair of jeans this week? I’m good to you lot.

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Comments»

1. jgarry - February 5, 2016

And of course, fashionistas make a statement with purposefully ripped jeans. There must be a nosql eventual consistency simile in there somewhere.

(Mind wanders to Berlin concert circa 1983 [with The Police, Thompson Twins, and The Fixx at Hollywood Park racetrack] with Teri Nunn in such jeans. Then on to a few years later, when on my lunch break I saw a pretty young thing with such rips in her top also, with her ni… well, I did go back to work smiling).


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