Retiring. Again. Really! April 20, 2023
Posted by mwidlake in off-topic, Private Life, working.Tags: behaviour, private, retirement
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Over the last few years I’ve gained something of a reputation for banging on about being retired, only to then mention the following week something I found out working for a client. Fingers are pointed and people laugh at me and say “so much for retired!” In my defence, I have said many, many times that, for me, I see retirement as not so much stopping working totally but more having far more control on what I do and for how long. And it does not involve daily commutes or 6 months tied to contract. And for the last 10 years I have pretty much stuck to that, more so as time has progressed. I now only work if a friend asks me to help out.

Well, I’m banging on about retirement again, only this time it really is a bit different. Today I am 55 and I am retiring. Honest!
Once I have wrapped up the current assignment (final report sent earlier this week, I have a meeting next week – and that’s it), I’ll be doing my final company accounts for June and shutting down ORA600 (UK) Ltd. I’ll be terminating my work insurance so only an idiot would let me on their systems. And I’ll probably delete my LinkedIn profile – well, I’ve never like the bloody site anyway.
The reason for this much harder, more complete retirement is – I just can’t do the job anymore! It takes too much out of me.
In December 2019 I was sat in Intensive Care in a Cambridge hospital, plugged into a ventilator that was blasting pure oxygen into my lungs at high pressure. I’d got a really quite bad case of influenza and a secondary bacterial lung infection. Don’t worry, this is not a “oh poor me” post, but the illness did have a large impact on me. I had something called silent hypoxia – my blood oxygen was so low I should have been unconscious, or at least incoherent, but I was sat up asking the docs how I was doing. And they were looking puzzled and saying “we don’t really know…?”
I got better, they let me out, I had a period of recovery for a few months, and slowly things like my breathing and memory and coordination got better. But never *quite* back to how it had been. The biggest problem as far as work is concerned is that getting new information in my head is like getting a square wooden peg into a round hole. It can be done, but you have to really whack it with a mallet! My memory is also shot. I never had a good memory anyway, and we all deteriorate with age, but that spell with really low blood oxygen seemed to take a large swipe out of mine. Being as low in blood oxygen as I was can do damage to the soft, squidgy things inside you, including your brain, and it seems to have dropped 10 points off my IQ and put a permanent leak in my memory. This was not a slow decline like you get with dementia or age, it was like someone simply turned my brain dial down from 10 to 7.And forgot to turn it up again.
The end result is I now find it a lot harder and a lot, lot slower for me to sort out issues for the client. I can balance that to some degree by simply putting in a lot, lot more hours (which I do) but it also means I get stressed at my lack of progress and tired from all the hours, and I ignore all the things I semi-retired to do. I can still solve the problems and investigate areas that are new to me, but I can’t expect a client to pay for all the time it takes. And if I can only hammer so much new stuff in my head in a given period, I want it to be other stuff I am interested in like science. Or cat videos.
Well, I don’t have to work, it’s not making me happy anymore, so I’m stopping and I’ll do more of what does make me happy. I won’t be disappearing out of the community just yet, I have things to do still and I actually *like* some of you lot. And I might do what some other “retired” people have done and start doing more technical blogs. But don’t bet on it, it might be more stuff about lawn mowers and bread. But I won’t be working.
I really am retiring. I need to spend more time with the current Mrs Widlake and the cats.



On Watching “Task Master” Being Recorded April 11, 2023
Posted by mwidlake in off-topic, Private Life, TV.Tags: Humour, perception, performance
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Being semi-retired has allowed Sue and I to occasionally go to recordings of TV and radio programs. Last September we went off to see an episode of “Task Master” be recorded over in Pinewood studios. Task Master is very popular in the UK and many countries either show it or have made their own version. Basically, the hosts (Task Master Greg Davies, and assistant Alex Horne – who actually created the show) set a panel of 5 comedians daft tasks to complete and the Task Master awards points to them for how well they did. It is funniest when the contestants either make a complete mess of the task, or they fall out over the scoring. I’ll let you in on one thing about the episode we saw being recorded. If they show even half of the initial prize task it will be brilliant.

We did not realise this when we turned up but we were not seeing the recording of the series that was running on TV at that time – series 14 with Dara O’Brien & Sarah Millican – but series 15 with Frankie Boyle, Ivo Graham, Jenny Eclair, Kiell Smith-Bynoe, and Mae Martin that is being broadcast right now. We knew the tasks were recorded many months before being shown (the weather/season gives that away!) but not that the screenings were recorded a good 6 months before airing too.
It’s very interesting watching a TV program being recorded. If you ever get the chance, go and do so. It’s generally free to be in the TV audience in the UK but actually getting into the audience of something as popular as Task Master is a bit of a… task (see what I did there). You send in a request for a screening and a lucky few get selected.
One of the first things that strikes you is, it’s incredibly fake. As in the set is incredibly fake. Task Master looks like it is recorded in a theatre and, to be candid, we assumed it was – even though we had seen a couple of other programs recorded and knew the studio was usually a large, tatty hanger of a building with dirty floors and piles of odd (and sometimes bizarre) things in the corners & sides. Task Master is recorded in just such a barn, with the carefully constructed and far more polished set sitting somewhat incongruously in the centre of it. The cameras are of course angled to only show the nicely presented set and not the riot of panels, cables, equipment, abandoned furniture etc that starts less than half a meter from in-shot.
When the cameras pan to audience you don’t really notice that they are sat on the sort of chairs you find in church halls up and down the country or they are up on scaffolding (literally, scaffolding) which wobbles a bit as people get up or down from it en masse at the start & end of recording. The decoration on the fake balconies sat in by some of the audience and the thrones Greg and Alex sit on is pretty crude, but then there would be no point making it any finer as the resolution of the TV image would hardly pick it out – and you don’t really stare at the set.
We were fortunate in being sat on the second row from the front (being as short as we are, our view is easily obscured) and as we were lower than the stage and screen, we could see everything with no obstruction. What really did surprise me was how close to the stage we were. The person in front of me could have remained sitting and yet still be able to reach out and slap Frankie Boyle on the knee. She didn’t.
Comedy shows have a warm up act, to get you in the mood, and we had Mark Olver. He warms up for a few of the well known comedy panel programs and he’s very good. Of course, as his material is not shown he can recycle his stuff for different audiences, but he does not do the same set each time. Greg came out a few minutes before we started recording and joined in with the warm up . Even though Task Master is recorded (not live like “The Last Leg”, which Mark also warms up for) they still have the breaks where, when you watch the program, they go to the ads. Mark keeps you entertained during them and actually Greg and Alex join in a little. It also gives you an opportunity to stand up for a few minutes, those church hall chairs are damned uncomfortable after an hour or so.
Sue particularly enjoyed this recording as she soon realised that Greg Davies had taken a shine to her. It would be an odd pairing, Greg is well in excess of 1.5 foot (1/2 a meter) taller than Sue. But true love will find a way. Greg would look around at the contestants, the audience, Alex, but he kept coming back to look at Sue. And he smiled at her. A lot. At times it was like she was the only person in the audience for him and he was mesmerised by her. He talked straight at her, especially if he was doing quite a long bit if prepared stuff.
Yeah, she had the autocue right behind her and she had not realised.
Talking of autocue, obviously some bits of the program are scripted, quite a bit of what is said direct to camera is, but the banter between the boys at the start is not (well, I think the first line for Alex might be but not the rest) or the discussion with the panel of contestants. All that discussion of the tasks seems genuinely in-the-moment from the the contestants, Greg has some notes but he often seems to forget all about them. And the contestants do not know what tasks are about to be put up on the screen. I distinctly heard Ivo say to Jenny something like “Oh God, not this one!” and she replied something like “Which one is… {pained} ahhh…”.
The time spent recording the program is about two times as long as the program as shown, maybe more, but there is not a lot of wasted time. I think it is more making sure they have plenty of good material so that when they edit down to the program run time it is all good. I have no idea if the edition we saw being filmed was unusual or not but I think they had more than enough good stuff. Apart from Greg bolloxing up his lines all the time, but that will make for good outtakes. Having seen the first two broadcast editions and seen this one “in the flesh”, I think it is gong to be a very, very good series of Task Master,
I won’t say anything too specific about the content of the episode. You agree not to when you request tickets and this is repeated when you are there at the recording. Of course you cannot take photographs or record anything. Even if it would not get me banned from future TV audiences I would not say anything specific about the content before it goes out, that would be a bit of a dick thing to do. But…
- I’ll be very interested to see how much of Frankie’s introductory prize task item and the discussion about it gets into the final program. I would not be amazed if they had to cut 90% of it!
- The task with the potatoes is brilliant and the best part of it is Jenny.
- Ivo is very, very quick (meaning smart) with his comments.
- I get the feeling there is going to be quite some… friction over some of the scoring as the series progresses.
- My money is on Mae to win the series – but that does not indicate what happened in this episode.
Anyway, it was fascinating to see the process and I’m really looking forward to seeing “our” episode – and what does and does not make the edit.
***update*** – OK, seen the broadcast version. I thought 10% of Frankie Boyle’s “heroic thing” would get in. I was wrong, it was about 2%! A totally pixelated picture, a few references that really did not make sense out of context, and Greg with is head in his hand & Alex saying “well done for getting through that”.
The image was a cartoon of Captain America giving oral pleasure to Wolverine. I’m just hoping that at some point in the future C4 will be brave enough to put on a late night “best bits” of Task Master where some of the material around that gets shown, as it was incredibly funny.
PXC550 Headphone Repair April 10, 2023
Posted by mwidlake in Hardware, off-topic.Tags: DIY, headphones, off topic
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Back in about 2017 I bought myself a little treat, a pair of Sennheiser PXC 550 sound cancelling, Bluetooth headphones. This pair of cans were a god-send when I was flying to/from Basel or conference locations across Europe. The sound cancelling works really well, the ear pads are comfortable (and pretty sound isolating all on their own) and, unusually, the band goes small enough so that they fit my head properly. They not only pretty much removed the endless drone on flights but also kept the noise of fractious children well subdued. Also in their favour is that the sound quality is excellent, you can control them by touching/swiping one of the headphones, they have excellent external microphones if you need them, and the battery life is, ohh, still over 10 hours.

I don’t fly any more but these headphones get used an awful lot when I am gardening or walking – they have had a *lot* of use over the last 6 years and I really like them. Though they have lasted very well, the ear pads started dying late last year, pulling apart and exposing the foam. Once the skin goes, the foam quickly becomes a mess. I applied black duct tape to the failing ear pad but I could see the other was going to go soon and once the duct tape failed, it would likely take a lot of the pad skin with it.
I thought it was over for these headphones and I would need to replace them – but then I found out you can replace the ear pads and they only cost about £10 for a pair! (You can get them cheaper but I tend to avoid the cheapest option for generic items on the basis of there is a reason they are the cheapest.)

The new ear pads turned up today in a nice, little zippy bag and they even had a small plastic tool for popping the old ear pads off. I won’t go into detail how you do that, there are several online videos showing how to do that and it is really easy, you just insert the tool or a flat head screwdriver between the pad and the metal bezel and gently lever them off.


It was a task of, literally, 5 minutes to pop the old ear pads off, give the insides of the headphones a bit of a clean with a vacuum cleaner, and pop the new ear pads on. I reckon I could to the whole thing in 2 minutes if I was to give it another go.
So, the headphones are back to tip-top condition. I don’t expect the new ear pads to last 6 years (I might order another pair while you can still get them) but given I thought I might have to replace them, I’m very happy. I hate throwing things away just because part of it is broken, I’m really happy these headphones are designed to be fixable, at least in respect of the thing that is mostly likely to wear out first.

Birthday Cake Bake October 6, 2022
Posted by mwidlake in Baking, humour, off-topic.Tags: home life, Humour, private
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A week or so ago Mrs W and I were watching a TV program called “The Great British Bake Off” – I believe it is also shown in many other countries or they have their own version? Anyway, Mrs W looked at me and said “you better be baking me a cake for my birthday! I want a hedgehog!!!” She was joking, Mrs W knows that cake baking is not one of my skills and the last one I did resulted in something more like a rubber biscuit than a soft, moist sponge cake.
However, I am up for a challenge. How hard could it be? Well…
First, boys and girls, bake your cake!

I knew we had most of the ingredients for baking a basic Victoria Sponge and I picked up the extra bits I thought I might need to do the decoration when I went shopping, so I was good to go. I lined my tins with baking paper, which took almost as much time as making the actual cakes, and I made the sponge mixture. The reason I chose a Victoria sponge is it is almost (but not impossible) to mess up – and it is about the only cake I have cooked before, other than a fruit cake (which I did not have time or inclination to do). The big issue with a Victoria sponge is whether it rises as you cook it.
When I saw it growing in the oven I was very relieved, the last cake I made for Mrs W utterly failed to do that!

I baked two cakes, I wanted one slightly wider than the other and the narrower one higher. This was to make it easier to carve the shape I had in mind. This did mean the cakes cooked at slightly different rates and although I did not open the door until I felt the first one would be ready, I mis-judged and got a little sinkage on both. I could live with that, I knew when I shaped the cakes I would have cut-offs I could fill those dips with.

Carve the general shape.
Now I had to carve the cake into the general shape of a hedgehog. I mixed up some chocolate glaze icing (icing sugar, cocoa powder, much less water than you think) and used that to glue the two cakes together and then stick the chunks I carved for the head together. It’s messy but once I had moved the finished shape onto a clean cake board, it looked good to me and my confidence rose like a fountain of joy. Tell me that does not look like the shape of a hedgehog? (One without feet, admittedly…)


Now, just decorate it!
I had a supply of piping bags and Mrs W’s extensive set of piping nozzles. I’ve even done a bit of icing piping in the past when helping Mrs W or my mum decorate cakes. I’m not bad at it, I say with pride and no modesty at all.
I now mixed up a load of glaze icing and, as I am (well, was) a zoologist, I knew I needed a light brown for the head & shoulders and darker brown for the body. I made both. But because I am (well, was) a zoologist and not in any way a cake baker, I made glaze icing. The clue is in the name. Glaze icing is intend to flow smooth and give a glazed, shiny finish. Any of you who know anything at all about decorating cakes is now shouting at the screen “you need Royal icing for piping you idiot!”. I looked at this gloop, I knew it was NOT what had been in the piping bags I had used in the past. This stuff I had was liquid. I mixed it thicker. It was thicker liquid. This was as likely to pipe into firms shapes as honey is!
A minute of google revealed my mistake. A look at the clock and it told me I had about 30 minutes to get this cake done. I did not have time to whip up egg whites, incorporate the sugar and cocoa, get it wrong at least once and re-make it to provide the royal icing I needed and do the actual decoration. I’ll just see what I could do with the very thick glaze icing I had…


As you can see, it did not go well! I put on some of the glaze icing – and it slid down the cake and puddled on the board. And it dripped everywhere. And the thicker stuff? as I tried to spread it, the icing stuck to the cake and then pulled it apart as I tried to spread the thick blobs wider. The picture on the left is actually after I had scraped off about half a pint of icing from the board and wiped it down. That fountain of joy had splashed down to a become a swamp of despair.
OK, I had Emergency Flakes I had bought. I’ve always regarded the use of flakes or chocolate fingers to make a hedgehog cake a bit of a cheat. I now realised I love cheating.
I cut up some flakes and stuck them on the cake out of desperation.
It was at this point Mrs W came into the kitchen to see what all the clattering & swearing was about. She took one look at the flesh-running zombie hedgehog I had created and laughed in a way I thought was dangerous for her underwear. “What… IS it?” It’s a hedgehog cake. “It’s not!” It’s your birthday, I’m making you a hedgehog cake. She tried to not laugh anymore but it was impossible for her. Oh well…
She took a photo. I knew why. There is a section in the follow-up program to The Great British Bake Off where people send in both their baking masterpieces… and their disasters.
I told her to leave it with me, I had a cunning plan. Sadly I did not have time to get to the shops and buy a cake, but maybe if I just really *believed* I could do this, it might work!
Back from the Brink?
I had lots of flakes. I had about 15 minutes until I would need to take the actual birthday meal I was cooking in the oven (at the same time as creating a zombie horror hedgehog cake) out. I cut and broke up the flakes, slapped on more glaze as glue where needed, picked off bits of cake and gloop, and I got the cake covered.

OK, it was less awful, but I was now out of flakes.
Well, I did what I could to tidy up the glaze icing. I used some final bits of Flake to fill in gaps and re-set some bits. I scraped off the (now fairly set) puddles and wiped off the debris and washed down the board as best I could. And I made some eyes and nostrils out of black fondant.
I have to confess, the final cake (finished as the oven beeped at me to tell me to take the main course out) looked OK – at least to me. What do you think?

By the way (and apologies to John Beresniewicz who had already asked this 2 days ago and was shocked I did let you know the name the hedgehog) – He’s called Harry.
Rescuing An Almost Dead Lawnmower May 3, 2022
Posted by mwidlake in off-topic, Private Life.Tags: gardening, off-topic
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As I slowly slip into something like proper retirement I thought I’d do some more blogs on “retired” topics. And as I know some of my Twitter followers have shown a strange fascination with my lawnmower and wheelbarrow “collection”, I thought I’d show you how I saved my old Honda Izy lawnmower from it’s imminent demise.


I’d had my old Honda Izy since 2007 and, though it had served me well, I had not been as good at cleaning if after use as I should. And it was often used on rough ground or ground with lots of stones on it, so the inside of the deck (the grey body that the engine, wheels, and other parts are mounted on) had got a lot of abuse and rusted badly. Grass mulch is quite corrosive. Looking on the net the rusting of the deck is a common problem with the Honda Izy. If I’d taken more care of it I am sure the Izy would have lasted many years longer. Anyway, the deck was splitting all the way around the engine mount and the engine & cutting blades were wobbling, causing the blades to catch the inside of the deck whenever it got jolted. In time the whole engine/blade unit was going to come away, probably when at full spin. That could be nasty! As you can see, I had used duct tape to keep the mower going until I got it fixed or replaced it, but this was my third or so duct tape repair and the whole machine just felt dangerous.
I did enquire about getting a new deck for the mower but the person who maintains if for me, a garden machinery mechanic, refused to do it. “The deck is not cheap, well over £100, I have to take the whole lawnmower apart which can be a right swine, re-build it on the new deck and then sort out all the little issues found doing it. It would take me a whole day or more. I’d charge you almost as much as a new mower costs”. So, as you can see from the above, I did buy a new Honda Izy. I have to say, the engine is a little quieter and smoother on the new one.
I looked at a couple of videos online about replacing the deck myself, but it did look very fiddly and that is with all the tools you need. However, I resented throwing away a perfectly good lawnmower and cracking little engine just because the deck was knackered. How about a car body repair kit? Hmmmm. I’d used one 32 years ago on my Mark 1 Golf, I could do this…



To prepare the lawnmower I emptied the oil (it needed replacing anyway), removed the blades, took off the petrol tank & fuel filter and gave them a thorough washing. There was a fair bit of sediment in the tank and fuel filter so it was good get rid of that, it had been causing some running issues. I then scraped away most of the caked on dirt, grass, rust, washed away most of the remainder and rubbed it down with wire wool. I did try a wire brush but that was pretty ineffective, wire wool was much better. Finally, I gave it a rub over with some rough glass paper, a final wash, and I left it 24 hours to dry out. This was last summer, it was about 30C during the day so it dried quickly. It might not look that clean in the pictures but that’s due to the remaining specs of paint and pits with a little rust in. I could see the metal was scoured and ready to be a good surface to bond to.
If you have never used fibreglass body repair kits before, it is very simple. You have a sheet or two of glass fibre (the white stuff) that folds out like fabric, a pot of resin, and a little packet of hardener. And a pretty useless pot and stirring stick, plus a crap brush. I’d advise getting another pot (a yoghurt pot will do at a pinch), a second little brush, and some spare sticks. My brother keeps lolly sticks (like you get with a Magnum ice-cream) for such purposes, I use literally a little stick off the ground!
WEAR GLOVES! The fibres of glass can get into your skin and irritate like crazy and if you get the resin on your skin it is not coming off until the skin does. Most kits come with a crap pair of thin plastic gloves but you can buy a pack of 100 disposable gloves for a few quid and you will need more than one pair probably. Put on the gloves and then cut the fibre glass sheet up into patches that will cover the area you want to repair. Normal scissors will be fine for this. 32 years ago I tried to cut just one piece to fit the whole repair, it was not ideal. And in this case I am fitting the sheet to a curved, circular surface. I cut several smaller pieces, about 5, and put them in place to make sure all looked OK. Now remove the fibreglass pieces.
Still with the gloves on, put some of the resin in the pot, I used about a third of the tin. Add the hardener as described. Actually, don’t, I made that mistake. Add about half the hardener as described, especially if it is warm like it was this day, and mix quickly and thoroughly with the stick, do this in 30 seconds if you can. Generously paint the edges of the area you are fixing with a little of the mixture, covering all the area the fibreglass is going on, and then put the fibreglass patches over it. The mixture should make them stick in place. Now put the rest of the mixture over the fibreglass and work it in with the brush. If the fibreglass patches shift or you ruck it or in any other way make the fibreglass patches do something you don’t want, fix it ASAP. This stuff goes tacky and then gloopy very quickly, which is why I say only put half the hardener in. The aim is to soak all the fibreglass with the resin and get it worked into the fabric before it turns to treacle. If you have time, scrape any residue out the pot with the stick and either try and get it on the repair or use some scrap of waste fabric, piece of card or whatever to get the gloop off. This way you might be able to use the pot and stick again. The brush is probably history.
I left the first layer for about 4 hours, then I cut a second set of smaller pieces to cover the weakest areas (where, basically, there was no metal anymore), mixed up some more resin and (less) hardener and used it to apply this second layer.
I left it to cure overnight, then gave the repair a sand with glass paper and washed it down. I then painted the repair with a tough paint designed to go on rusty metal (“Hammerite” in my case) and once it was dry, a second layer over the whole area. Be generous, it fills little pits and missed bits in fibreglass that somehow did not get enough resin in it.




I should mention I took care not to get any resin or paint on the nuts holding the engine onto the deck, just in case I ever want to remove the engine.
I now had a workable repair and it looked OK from the inside. If I did it again I would uses less hardener from the start and take a little more care over applying the fibreglass.
I turned the mower right way up and I could see the fibreglass through the holes in the metal. I used wire wool to prepare the surfaces arounds the holes, pushed any proud metal firmly down onto the fibreglass repair, mixed up the last of my resin/hardener mix and used the scraps of fibreglass matt I still had to patch the top and smothered the repair and surrounding metal in resin.
Once it was dry it was Hammer(ite) time again and I painted the repairs and some other areas of scratched paintwork and mild rust.






The engine now felt rock solid and the deck was not flexing at all. I counted this as Job Done.
I gave the blade a damn good clean and sharpen (though it could have done with grinding back another 5mm to be fair), put that back on, put the cleaned fuel tank and engine cover back on, replaced the air filter & spark plug and put in the oil (standard servicing kit) and then finally a bit of fuel. Only a bit in case I needed to empty it again…
I set the choke, pulled the starter cord, and the engine fired straight up in a couple of pulls. I did a couple of swipes along the rough grass near the castle mound and it cut beautifully. The engine was a lot smoother now too, due to the clean fuel system and new air filter. I now filled the fuel tank.





I’m the first to admit it is not the cleanest, most professional looking repair in the world, but it has proven to be effective. I did this repair last year and I’ve used the repaired machine many times since.
I use the old Honda Izy on rough terrain and anywhere I think there may be stones or similar that might damage the new Izy. And I am cleaning off the new lawnmower more conscientiously as, though I now know I can patch a knackered mower deck, it took me a few days and I’d rather not have to do it again through sheer laziness.
The old lady is now a useful member of my lawnmowing family again…
(BTW the below is not the full set, there is the petrol strimmer. And the hover mower. And the hand-held trimmer for small areas around plants…)

Finally Getting Broadband – Via 4G! (cable-free, fast-ish internet) February 15, 2021
Posted by mwidlake in Architecture, Hardware, off-topic, Private Life.Tags: Architecture, hardware, performance, private
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I live in a field. Well, I live in a house, but it and a few other houses make up a tiny hamlet surrounded by fields. My back garden is itself a small field. It’s nice to live surrounded by countryside, but one of the drawbacks of this rural idyll is our internet connection. Our house is connected to the World Wide Web by a copper telephone line (via a British Telecom service), and it’s not a very good copper telephone line either. I joke that wet, hairy string would be just as useful. Our connection speed is, at best, about 5Mbps download and 0.4Mbps upload. That is not a typo – nought point four megabits a second. My dual ISDN line back in 2003 could just about manage that. At busy times it’s worse – a lot worse – as all the houses in our hamlet contend for whatever bandwidth we have back to civilisation. Evenings & weekends it has almost become a not-service. It is not broadband, it’s narrowband. I pay £23 a month for the wire charge & unlimited calls, another £25 a month for the calls beyond “unlimited” (yeah, tell me) and £30 a month for the narrowband connection. Ouch!
My neighbours have complained to BT about our internet speed many times over the years and I did also. I was told (and I paraphrase) “you are at the end of a long piece of old copper-wire-based technology and there are not enough people living there for us to care about, so it is not changing”. Which to me utterly sums up my 30 or so years experience of British Telecom, a company I loath with a passion. I asked if I could get a discount for such a shit service and was told I was on their cheapest deal already. “Would I get better service if I paid more?” No. Well, at least they were honest about that.
About 2 years ago a company called Gigaclear came down the road to our little, rural hamlet. They are being paid a lot of money by Essex county council to lay fibre cable to rural locations all over the district. This raised our hopes. Gigaclear dug channels, lay down the ducting, put a green telecommunications box in place by “Joe on the Donkey” (this is the real name of a neighbour’s house) – and went away. They’ve been back a few times since, but the promised super-mega-fast fibre broadband service they touted has not come to fruition. The last two visits have been to check out why they can’t connect anyone. It might partly be that one pair could not even understand that the green box 100 meters away is probably the one that is supposed to service our house, not the one way across two fields that they have not dug a channel from.
I first realised there was another solution when, forced by evenings & weekends when download speeds dropped to below 1Mbps, I started using my iPhone as a hotspot for my laptop. 5/0.4Mpps was replaced by 15/2.0Mbps. I was soon using my phone to upload pictures to social media and the charity I foster cats for, plus for video conferencing for work & social purposes. If my mobile phone was giving me better connection speed, why in hell was I using an expensive & slower connection from my physical telephone line? One problem was I only have so much download allowance on my mobile phone (10GB). The other was you need to keep the mobile by the computer to tether it. It was not a mobile anymore!
I was then chatting to a neighbour and he said he’d tried a relative’s 4G broadband from EE – EE is about the only phone network we can get a decent signal with here and we use them for our mobile phones – and he was pleasantly surprised at the speed. He said it was expensive though…
As a result of this chat I did a quick check on the EE website. A 4G EE broadband device (basically a box with the electronics for a mobile phone and a router in it) would be cheaper than my current BT solution! £35 a month, no up-front fee, and their advertising blurb claimed 31Mbps on average “in some places”. I had no expectation of getting anything near that sales-pitch speed, but repeated speed test on my EE mobile phone was confirming 15 Mbps download and 2 Mbps upload usually, much better than the BT landline. And the offerings of Gigaclear, should they ever plumb us in, was for 30Mbps for a similar cost to EE 4G broadband, and 100Mbps if you spent more spondoolies. All in all, EE seemed not that expensive really and, as I said, cheaper than sod-all bandwidth with BT!
The last thing I checked was if you could get a physical EE 4G signal booster if your signal was poor. Yes, you can, but from 3rd party companies for about £250-£400. Our EE signal in Widlake Towers is better than any other mobile phone operator but it is never an all-bars signal.
The Change to 4G, cable-free Broadband
I decided it was worth a risk. All I wanted was the speed my iPhone was getting and, if it was poorer, a one-off spend of maybe £300 would help matters. I ordered an EE 4G router and 200GB of data a month. Why so much data? Well, I had never exceeded my 10GB data a month on my mobile phone, I am not what you could call a big data user – I do not download films or live stream stuff. But my connection speed had been so bloody awful for so long I had never even dreamed of downloading 1/2 hour TV programs, let alone whole movies! Maybe I might with a better connection. And I was about to start running training courses for a client. I figured I would bet on the safe side.
My EE 4G router turned up the next day, I was so excited!
It was broken. It would get the 4G signal no trouble but it’s wifi service was unstable, it shut down under load. It was so annoying as for 10 minutes I had FORTY Mbps download and FIFTEEN Mbps upload performance! I count this as mental cruelty, to let me see the sunny uplands of normal 1st world internet access but to then immediately remove it from me…
It was clearly a faulty unit so I was straight on to EE. It took over an hour and a half to contact & talk through the issue with EE but, to be fair, they have a process to go through and they have to make sure the customer is not doing something daft like keeping the router in a basement, and they sent me a replacement unit the very next day.
It arrived. I plugged it in. It worked. It’s was great! The bandwidth was an order of magnitude better than the old BT router over the fixed telephone cable. Not only that, it also far exceeded both what I had got via my phone and also the estimates of EE. I got over 60Mbps download on average and often above 70 Mbps. The highest I have seen so far is 98Mbps. Upload averages around 14Mpbs and has gone up to 30 Mbps at times – but I have to say I see the peak upload when download is a little depressed. On average I am now getting consistently over 60Mbps download and 10Mbps upload speeds, though sometimes when the local network is busy (mid workday afternoon) I see a little less. “Peak performance” is weekend and evening times, I get fantastic performance, maybe as business users in the area are quieter and few domestic clients are using the 4G network.
So, over 60Mbps download and 10Mbps upload average and sometimes more – I’ll take that! more than 10 times faster download and, well, 30-50 times faster upload then BT over tired copper.
It’s utterly transformed my online experience. I can honestly say that when I see slow internet performance on web pages now I am just as inclined to blame the remote site as my connection. And I can upload pictures & emails in a way I have never been able to before. Until now I was notable to put up short videos of our foster cats to the charity website unless I did it on my phone in the garden, and that was hit-and-miss. Now I can just chuck videos over to them and not worry about it. For me it is a game changer.
My 4G Choice
I had little choice but to go for EE as no other mobile phone company has decent coverage in my area. You may also have only 1 choice but, it you live in an area where many 4G services are available (i.e. you live in a place where other people live!) then look into which is best – not just for speed/cost but also customer service. Many companies are offering wireless 4 and 5G services. Personally I would stick to 4G as 5G is still shiny and new enough to come with a price hike for not-a-lot more total throughput. I’ve always been really pleased with EE customer service. For years I’ve popped over to one of the two local-ish EE shops whenever I have needed to change something or had a problem and they always sort me out quickly. Not only that, on a couple of occasions I’ve suggested I go for a more expensive plan (say to get more roaming data allowance) and they have looked at my historic usages – “Mate, you’ve never been even close to the smaller plan, save yourself £10 a month and take the cheaper one. You can always upgrade”.
I went for EE’s standard 4G Home Router as the only difference I could see with it and their 4G Home Router 2 was the Home Router 2 supported 64 devices not 32, for an extra £50 up front.. Between us Mrs Widlake and I have fewer than 10 devices, let alone over 32…. At the time of writing there is no initial charge for the 4G Home Router, just a £35-£55 monthly charge depending on what data allowance you want £35=100GB, you get an extra 100GB for each additional £5 up to 500GB but then at £55 it becomes unlimited. You can choose between 18 month contract or no contract and an up-front fee, but go look at the website for details, it will have changed by the time you look (I know this as they have introduced a 5G home router between the time I started this blog post an ended it! But I have no 5G signal so of no consideration for me).
Initially I had the EE 4G home router in the main room of the house so I could fiddle with it if needed, but I soon moved it upstairs to a bedroom where prior tests had shown I got a better 4G signal. (You want as little in the way of building materials and geography between you and the 4G mast, so upstairs by a window is ideal. And in my house the top floor where I put the router is made of wood, straw, mud, & horse shit. Other parts have fully insulated plasterboard which includes a thin metal foil layer to both reflect heat and, unfortunately, block electromagnetic radiation).
Spreading The Network
Another consideration for me was allowing the wifi signal to get to the study. The study is above the garage, a structure covered in black clapperboard which is strangely attached to the neighbour’s house (this is the sort of thing you get with properties hundreds of years old – things just got built). A few years ago when we had the study/garage rebuilt to modern standards we got another company to provide telephone services to the study, to see if it was better than BT. It was. A bit. And it still is. But that company is now part of BT (as is EE to be fair) and is slower than my mobile phone. If the new router reached the study we could stop using BT AND we could stop using this backup supplier (which was cheaper than BT but more limited in some respects). With line-of-sight I hoped the wifi would reach the study. It did – but it was right at the range limit and the signal would drop :-(. If you moved your laptop or tablet away from the window and clear line-of-site, you lost the Wifi signal from the new 4G broadband router.
Well, I had a possible solution to this too.
There are many wifi extenders on the market at many prices, some just use wifi and some use your power cables and others create a mesh. If 30 years in I.T. have taught me anything it is that there is something deficient in my head that means I personally have no affinity for networks. I need simple. I knew I could not use a power cable solution. With these you plug one device in a socket and it communicates over your domestic power lines to a second plugged-in device which provides a wifi service. For historical reasons my study is on a different power circuit to the house, I doubt it would work. I did not want to go to Mesh as I felt (based on experience) I would fuck it up. I just wanted a simple, single WiFi extender.
After a few hours on the internet I came to the conclusion that there was a solution, a relatively old device (first sold in 2016) that might be what I wanted. A TP Link RE450, also known as an AC1750. It was simple and excelled at having a long range. I ordered one for £50 quid.
It came and, following the simple instructions and maybe half an hour of my part-time attention, I had it working and connecting to both the 5 and 2.4 GHz networks of my EE 4G broadband router. I moved the TP Link RE450 over to the study and plugged it in so it had line-of-site to my EE 4G router. The connection light flashed blue and red, which suggested it was not happy – but I worked out that it was happy with the 2.4Ghz connection but not the 5Ghz one. It was right on the edge of it’s range. A bit of fiddling of orientation (hat tip to Mrs W who realised it was better on it’s side) over 2 days, including moving the router a whole 30cm closer, and now both are happy.
The end result is I now have access to the 4G EE broadband router in the study & garage at about 20Mbps download and 12 Mbps upload. I think the limit is the TP Link to EE router connection, which is just down to distance. Bottom line, I now have access to the internet from every part of my house and separate study, and the whole front garden, and the edge of the field opposite the house, and some of the back garden, at speeds substantially faster than my old landline.
British Telecom will be getting a cancellation notice from me by the end of the month (I need to change some email addresses) and the third party service to the study will also be terminated. I will replace a service from BT that was costing me £80 a month and another that was £30 a month with just one at £40 a month, which gives me a much, much better service.
That feels good.
Latest speed test? Done as I completed this post, I recorded 77Mbps download & 30Mbps upload, which I am incredibly pleased with. I don’t expect to get that all the time though.
Sourdough – Making a Loaf January 19, 2021
Posted by mwidlake in Baking, off-topic, Private Life.Tags: Baking, bread, private
4 comments
<<– Creating the Sourdough Starter
Anyone who follows me on Twitter knows I like making sourdough bread. For me, a sourdough loaf is a real treat. I love the combination of a thick, crunchy crust and the soft, strong-flavoured inside. I’ve been asked a few times how I make my bread and I keep saying I will write it up. This blog post is the fulfilment of that promise.
Making sourdough is a longer, more complex baking process than most modern versions of baking bread, but it is actually a very old method of baking and was probably the main method used by the peasant and working classes over the last few hundred years. It takes several hours to make sourdough. I start mine in the evening and bake it in the morning.
Work is stressful (even working in I.T. from home), this pandemic is stressful, baking a nice loaf of bread helps balance that stress.
A key part of the process is that you need a “starter”, a mixture of flour, water, and actively growing yeast. I did a long and detailed post on creating a starter about a month or so ago. If you created a starter then and have been feeding it since, it’s well past time to make a loaf!
Get the Starter Active
If the starter mixture is in the fridge, take it out of the fridge several hours before you are going to use it. If I am making my dough in the evening (my usual method so it can prove overnight) I take the starter out the fridge about noon.
A few hours before you are going to make your dough (usually 6 hours or so for me), mix up 200 grams of strong, white bread flour with tepid water so it is a similar consistency to porridge, add it to the starter and give it a good stir.
This should help get the starter really active and, after a couple of hours, you should see bubbles in the mixture and the volume will increase. I do not seal the jar during this process, I leave it with the lid over the top of the jar but not clipped or screwed down.
Making the Initial Dough
I’ll give you two recipes for making the dough. The first is from a man called Paul Hollywood, who is a very well known and successful baker in the UK. He is one of the judges on “The Great British Bake off“, which is one of the most popular TV programs in the UK. I know the program has been syndicated across the globe, with over 25 countries showing their own version, and a couple showing the UK original. The second recipe is mine, which is derived from Paul Hollywood’s. I increased the size of the loaf as I wanted something to provide sandwiches for 2 people for 2 days and I found a little more salt and a lower percentage of starter gave results I preferred. Less starter seems to give a better final rise to the loaf. Please note – Paul Hollywood is a considerably better baker than I! Perhaps try his recipe first.
Paul Hollywood recipe
- 375g Strong white bread flour
- 250g sourdough starter
- 7g salt
- 130-175 ml tepid water
- a teaspoon of olive oil
Martin Widlake recipe
- 500g strong white bread flour
- 200g sourdough starter
- 10g salt (but no more!)
- 7g sugar
- 200-220ml tepid water
- a teaspoon of olive oil
The below is based on my recipe
I have a little plastic jug for measuring the water. Before I put any water in it I put the 10 grams of normal, fine table salt (1). Do not go above 10g of salt in 700g total flour & starter as too much salt inhibits the rise of the loaf. I’m adding about as much salt as you can without this happening. I also add a teaspoon of sugar (7 grams) as I feel it balances the sour of the loaf and slightly boosts the loaf flavour. Skip this if you like.
I then put 500 grams of strong bread flour into the mixer bowl (see later for some variations to 500g of flour). As I add the flour I also dribble in the salt/sugar mix. This is to help it all mix in evenly. I found that if I just chucked the salt in after all the flour, again the rise could be problematic and the bread seemed to be a bit patchy in it’s flavour. Give the flour with the salt/sugar in a quick swirl with a spoon or something.
I now add 200 grams of sourdough mixture and about 100ml of the tepid water. I do not add it all as I use a food mixer to initially combine my dough. We have a Kenwood Chef that is 40+ years old. To make bread dough in a food mixer you need a dough hook. The one you see in the picture by the recipes is only a few years old, it is coated with Teflon to help the dough to not stick to it.
The mixer can throw little fountains of dry ingredients out of the bowl so I put a towe over the whole thing. If you do this, make absolutely sure the towel is not going to get caught on the dough hook/mixer! With the mixer on it’s lowest setting, I slowly add more of the water to each side of the bowl so that the ingredients combine. I have found that as the dough mixture gets towards the consistency I want, or is damper than I am aiming for, it wraps around the dough hook and no longer mixes! It just wizzes around with the hook. This is why I added the water slowly and keep about 20-30ml in reserve. Then, when all the ingredients are well mixed but it is not quite forming a single ball, I add the last of the water and keep the mixer running until the dough does wrap around the hook and stay on it. Take it off the hook and make it into a rough ball, as shown In the picture of the mixer.
You can mix it all by hand, which is fun, but your hands get really messy and it takes longer. If you do mix it all by hand, add the water bit by bit until the dough is quite sticky.
I now put a little olive oil, half a teaspoon is all, on a thoroughly cleaned work surface and spread it around into a 20-30cm circle. I drop the dough in the centre of this and I knead it by hand to finish it off and get a smooth consistency in the dough. Different people like to mix their dough in different ways. I push into it with the heel of my hand, stretching it against the work surface, and then fold it over a little and push into it again. I do this with just the one hand in a regular rhythm of about one one push a second, slowly rotating the dough ball and moving it around so I am working all of the ball. I swap hands occasionally for a full upper-body workout…
Other people slap the dough onto the work surface or throw it down, others squidge it out with both hands and then fold-and-squidge. Do what seems right to you. There are lots of videos on the internet.
The whole aim is to get all the ingredients mixed in smoothly and keep going until the dough is a little elastic. Apparently the best test as to whether you have worked the dough enough is that you can stretch some thin with your fingers and see light coming through it. I don’t do this, it does not seem to work well with my dough, maybe as I do not add enough liquid, maybe because sourdough is a little different. I know it is ready as it…. feels ready. Smooth, not rubbery, but with some stretch to it. Because I use a machine to initially mix and knead the dough I only have to hand knead it for 5 minutes. If you mix the dough by hand then you will need to knead it for 10, 15 minutes. Maybe more.
The whole idea of the kneading is to get some of the protein in the mix, the gluten, to form long chains which give the final loaf it’s structure of a soft and flexible material. If you over knead the dough then the bread will not rise so well and the bread will be rubbery and dense. You don’t want rubbery, dense bread.
Proving the Dough
Once your bread is kneaded to the consistency you want, you have to let it prove – which means left alone to grow. You prove the dough twice.
Use the other half a teaspoon of oil to lightly oil the inside of the mixing bowl. The only reason for the oil is to stop the dough sticking. Put the dough ball into the bowl and cover with clingfilm or similar. I use a clear, plastic shower cap that I can re-use dozens of times as (a) it’s so easy to pop it over the bowl and (b) less plastic waste.
You need to keep the dough at about room temperature – between 18C and 22C – for several hours. Less time if it is warmer, more time if it is cooler. I make my dough about 8-10pm in the evening and leave it overnight, near a radiator that will come on in the morning. This seems to work for my dough.
During the proving stage the yeast in the dough consumes sugars (the sugars come from the starch in the flour being broken down) and they produce carbon dioxide (CO2). this is what makes the dough grow and become soft.
In this first prove of the dough it should doubled to tripled in volume, and become soft and spongey to a light touch. Sticking a finger in it will leave a dent that only partly fills in.
Lightly dust a clean, dry area on your work surface with plain or bread flour and turn the dough out of the bowl it has proved in onto the area. I lightly dust one side of the bowl to stop the dough sticking to it and I ease the dough from the sides and bottom of the bowl with a small, flexible spatula – one of those made of silicon or soft, heat resistant plastic. In the picture above of the dough on the work surface you can see bubbles in it – this is from the CO2.
You now need to “knock back” the dough – knead it all over with your knuckles or, like I do, give it 30 seconds of kneading like you did when you first made the dough. Some instructions tell you to do things like make a ball after knocking it back and tuck the dough down under the ball and into the bottom of it. I think these are to create little air pockets in the dough that make the large voids you get in posh hippster café sourdough. I don’t want those large voids. I keep the flour dusting to a minimum and push the dough together well to avoid any air gaps or having any folds in the dough which do not “heal” (stick to each other).
You now need to let the dough prove for a second time. I use a “banneton” for this, a special wicker or similar material bowl that is specifically for the final proving of bread. They also impart a nice pattern on the loaf. Dust whatever bowl or banneton you are using well, put the dough into it and push it down firmly. Lightly dust the top and then cover a plastic bag or similar. You want the bag to be above the dough so when it rises it does not contact the bag, as it will stick to it. I put the showercap I used earlier back over it, with the damp side inwards to stop the top of the bread drying out too much. Put somewhere warm and leave for two hours. If the house is not that warm, I put the oven on and set it to 50C, then turn it off and pop the loaf in that. If you are dead posh you might find your oven has a proving oven compartment or a plate warmer you can use.
After a couple of hours the dough should have risen a little again and have a smooth top. It is now ready to bake
Baking the Bread.
A key to getting a good bake where the bread rises evenly and you get a good, strong crust is moisture. You need the atmosphere around the loaf to be damp for the first 20 minutes or so of baking.
I’ve achieved this with two methods – baking in the oven with a tray of water, and using a Dutch Oven.
In the Oven With a Tray of Water.
Pre-heat the oven to 220C and put a shallow tray on the lower shelf.
Heavily dust a baking tray with flour, or flour and semolina (semolina is better at preventing the loaf from sticking, but I find flour on it’s own works just fine and I stopped using the semolina as I’m lazy). Carefully tip the loaf out on the tray and slash the top several times. I have a special, small, gentle serrated knife just for this, it seems to work better than a smooth blade. He’s called Mr Slashy the knife. This scouring allows the crust to expand more easily during the cooking.
Dust lightly with flour and immediately put the loaf into the oven, and put about 500ml of warm water in the shallow tray. This will create steam as the bread cooks.
Cook at 220C for 30 minutes and then turn the oven down to 200C and cook for a further 15-20 minutes. The bread should have risen and turned a lovely golden brown. You can test if it is done by tapping the bottom of the loaf, it should sound hollow. If, like me, you like your bread slightly darker with a stronger crust, extend the higher temperature period from 30 minutes to 35, 40 minutes.
Take the loaf out and move it onto a wire rack to cool.
In the example I show, the loaf is a weird shape. I think this is because, with this loaf, I forgot to put the water in the oven with the loaf, then added cold water to the tray, not warm. As a result there was not enough moisture, the crust formed early and the still-expanding loaf could no longer grow and burst out the side of the crust. If this happens to a lot of your loaves, try scoring more or gently wetting the top and sides of the loaf before the final dust of flour.
It tasted just fine!
In a Dutch Oven.
A Dutch oven is basically a heavy iron or aluminium casserole with a well fitting lid. You bake the bread with the lid on initially to trap moisture. I use an iron casserole dish about 26cm in diameter. The casserole needs to be about 5cm wider than your uncooked loaf, to allow for expansion. If you already have a casserole dish you might need to change your loaf size or the bowl/banneton you prove it in so that the loaf fits!
Pre-heat the oven and the casserole dish to 230C. Yes, 230C. It take about 15 minutes for my casserole to heat up fully.
Take out the casserole and heavily dust the bottom with flour. You will know it is warm enough as the flour will smoke gently.
As carefully as you can, turn out the loaf into the casserole dish. I turn the banneton upside down and hold the loaf in place with my fingers, shake it slightly until the loaf drops onto my fingers and then I open my fingers to let it drop the 6 inches into the casserole. Do not let your skin touch the casserole dish, it hurts like hell! Slash the top of the loaf several times, again keeping the fingers away from the hot metal.
This is the main disadvantage of using a casserole, getting the loaf in and slashing the top is harder and the danger of a nasty burn is ever-present. I have tried turning the loaf out, slashing it and then transferring it to the casserole, but it knocked a fair bit of air out the loaf and reduced the rise.
Cook at 230C for 20 minutes. Remove the lid (the loaf will still be a cream colour) and cook for a further 15-20 mins. Turn the oven down to 160 and cook for a further 15-20 mins. You turn the temperature down more with the casserole as it retains heat for a while.
You might notice my oven says 235 and 165C. My oven temperature is a little cool (I tested with an oven thermometer) so I added 5C. You do get to know your oven when you do baking!
You loaf should now be dark golden brown. Remove the casserole from the oven. I put a little fan blowing air over the casserole for 5 minutes before I extract the loaf. Using a cloth to protect your fingers, take out the loaf and leave to cool on an a wire rack.
I swapped to the Dutch Oven method as a couple of friends recommended it and the flush of steam from the “oven with a tray” method was making the control panel of my oven go funny. I’ve already had it repaired once.
Having swapped, I think overall the Dutch Oven method gives a better loaf. I have far fewer issues with the loaf rise being uneven and part of the load bursting out the side or the crust “tearing” at the sides.
If I decide to make larger loaves I’ll simply swap to the oven-and-a-tray-of-water method.
Cooling
Once the loaf is out the oven I tend to start losing control of my salivary glands and I am desperate to eat it, so I use a little fan to help it cool in about 1/2 an hour. If you have more will power than I then it takes an hour or so for the loaf to cool naturally.
I love to cut open the loaf and eat it when it is still a little warm. The one disadvantage of this is that the loaf will lose extra moisture as a result of this, so any bread you save until tomorrow will be a little drier. I hardly ever manage to hold off cutting it early for the sake of a better experience tomorrow!
Alterations to the recipe
I sometimes replace 150-200 grams of the white bread flour with spelt or mixed seed flour. It does seem to drop the rise a little though. I have tried adding a little dried bakers yeast to balance this but with limited success.
I have replaced all 500 grams of white bread flour with brown bread flour. It was OK, but despite me generally preferring brown bread, with sourdough it just does not seem right to me.
I really like adding a teaspoon of smoked, sweet paprika to the mix. This is partly why I put the salt etc in the jug I later user for the water, I put the extra flavour in the jug too and the water washes out any flavouring that has remained in the jug.
Chop up a handful of sundried tomatoes (drained of their oil on kitchen paper as the oil seems to inhibit the rise) and add those with a good squirt (say 25ml) of double strength tomato puree.
1) You could use sea salt or Pink Himalayan salt instead of dirt-cheap table salt – but it’s all the same stuff really, it’s dried out sea and mostly consists of the specific salt compound sodium chloride. The stuff dug out the ground is from a few hundred million years ago and sea salt is usually from drying out current sea water. The problem with salt that is not table salt is it is probably not as fine so it might impede rise more.
Sourdough – Creating The “Starter” December 18, 2020
Posted by mwidlake in Baking, off-topic, Private Life.Tags: Baking, private
2 comments
Making and Baking A Sourdough Loaf –>>
A couple of people have asked me to describe how I create the Sourdough bread that I often tweet about baking. It’s too much for a Facebook post, and waaaay too much for a twitter thread, so I’m putting it here on my blog. This is part one – you need something called a “Sourdough Starter” to make sourdough bread, this is how I create my starter. Part two will describe making an actual loaf of sourdough.
I know this is seriously off-topic for a blog that is supposed to mostly considers Oracle tech & performance, working in Oracle/I.T, and thoughts on IT management & how people work, but let’s face it – the more semi-retired I get the more this blog is becoming somewhere I simply share “stuff”. However, there is a bit of a link. Over the last few years baking bread has been taken up by a surprising number of people in the Oracle Presenting sphere (and this pre-dates the craze for making your own bread that came with Covid-19). One presenter, Jože Senegačnik, even wins national awards for his bread in Slovenia.
What is Sourdough?
Sourdough is a rustic type of bread, usually white, with a dark, thick crust and usually more flavour than a standard loaf of white bread. I know I am biased, but the sourdough bread I make is about the nicest bread I have ever eaten (with perhaps the exception of the bread of some of my other baking friends). It is certainly nicer than your average loaf and better than “normal” bread I have made at home.
Sourdough bread has an open texture (lots of holes), so it is quite light and, at the centre, soft. Sometimes the bread has large voids in it. If you buy sourdough in a shop or it is part of a meal in a café/restaurant (it’s almost always the bread used in posh cafes with your smashed avocado and free range egg for breakfast) it seems to me that the posher the place, the larger the voids. Sometimes a slice of sourdough toast can be more void than bread. It does not need the large voids and, in my opinion, they are detrimental to the bread. You can’t make a sandwich or put anything on the bread without the contents falling through the big holes! It’s fine with soup & stews I suppose, where you are dipping chunks in liquid.
Sourdough is a type of wheat-based bread where instead of using dried yeast or fresh yeast that comes in blocks that look like soft cheese, you use an active, growing “porridge” of yeast. This is a fairly thick mixture of strong bread flour and water, with the yeast growing in it, slowly consuming the flour to produce more yeast.
This “porridge” is called the Starter, and you add it to a mixture of more bread flour, water, and a little salt, to make your bread dough for baking. The starter smells quite strongly, distinctly sour, and I suspect (but am not sure) that sourdough bread is named more for the smell of the starter than the final loaf, which only has a hint of the smell if any at all.
The bread itself also has a distinctive tang to it, not as marked as the smell of the starter mixture, but it is a key part of the flavour.
The crust is an important part of a sourdough loaf. It tends to be thicker, stronger, and (when fresh), well… crustier than normal bread.
The key to it all is the starter, so how do you create and keep your starter?
The Jar
You need a sealable jar to hold your starter. I use a Kilner jar, as pictured, but a very large jam jar will probably be fine. The jar needs to be able to hold well over a pint/half litre. My jar can hold a litre, which is large enough to generate enough sourdough starter for a good sized loaf but not so large it won’t fit in my fridge (which is important).
Once you have your jar, make sure you have:
- a packet of white strong bread flour.
- either some grapes or apples or, if you can manage it, some starter from a friend.
- at least a week before you want an actual loaf of your own sourdough bread.
I would recommend you use white bread flour as brown or wholemeal (or even seeded) not only provides bits in your mixture where yeast cells would struggle to get to (so might make it more likely for your starter to get infected and “go off”) but as you add quite a bit of starter to the final dough, it’s always going to be partially wholemeal or brown if that is what your starter is based on, no matter what you want.
It has to be strong bread flour. Strong bread flour has a higher percentage of protein, gluten, in it. This is vital to support the texture of bread. Cake is lighter than bread and normal flour that you make cakes out of has less gluten in it.
Sterilise your jar before you use it. Either wash it in really hot water or, preferably, but it in an oven at about 120C for 20, 30 minutes. Let it cool to room temperature before you use it though. You want to sterilise it as the idea is to get a yeast colony growing in the jar that will out-compete bacteria and not-yeast fungi and keep the mixture clean and edible and not poisonous. To begin with there will not be a lot of yeast cells and any bacteria or fungus present could make the mixture bad before the yeast takes hold.
Making the starter
Put about 300 grams of the strong white bread flour in the jar and add about 300ml of water, stirring it. you might want to add the water in two or three parts, mixing it well as you go but don’t stir it for minutes. You will hopefully end up with a smooth mixture that is a bit thicker than porridge/wallpaper paste/pesto. Now add a little more water until it *is* the consistency of porridge. Thin enough that it would pour, thickly, but thick enough so that a spoon stuck in it will probably stay in place. Don’t forget to take the spoon out…
Now the tricky bit. Getting the yeast in it. Don’t use baker’s yeast or brewer’s yeast or anything you would buy to make a normal loaf of bread, you want something slower growing and, if possible, local. In some places, at least in the UK, you might have enough yeast in the air to get it going, especially if you live in the countryside near orchards. Leave the jar with the lid open for a few hours and then shut it. A more reliable way to get the yeast is to take the skin off four or five grapes, preferably ones you have had in the house a few days, or some peel (just a couple of long stripes) from an apple, either a locally grown one or one that’s been hanging about in the fruit bowl a few days (but is not rotten!!!). The peel from fruits like this are covered in many yeasts. Use only the peel, not the pulp of the fruit. Chop the peel into little bits and throw it in the mixture and stir.
If you are lucky enough to know someone who already makes sourdough who is local (in which case, why are you reading this?!? Go have a cup of tea with them or a glass of wine and get them to show you how to do all this – relevant covid-19 restrictions allowing of course) then get some off them, about 30ml will be more than enough. I got some from a local bakery a couple of years back who specialised in sourdough. You can even use dried out sourdough, as I did once. I’ll put the little story of that in another post.
The advantage of using some existing starter mix is that it gets going quicker and you an be pretty sure it will work. Getting your starter fully active from scratch using peel or the air can take weeks, a dollop of starter in it’s prime will get you a fully active new starter in days. I swap the jar I keep my starter in every few months, as they can get a bit gungy & crusty, I make the bread/water porridge and chuck in about 200ml of my existing mixture – usually what is left when I am making a loaf. I can use the “new” starter created in this way in a couple of days.
Shut the jar. If you were lucky enough to use existing starter, keep it out at cool room temperature if you are making a loaf in a day or two. Otherwise put it in the fridge.
If you really are starting from fresh, with peel, put the jar somewhere that is “cool room temperature”, that is about 16-18C, not near a radiator or source of heat, not somewhere cold. Hopefully, in a few days you will see little bubbles in the mixture. That means the yeast is growing and releasing carbon dioxide! After about 5 days, whether you see little bubbles or not, take out about a third of the mixture and discard, replace with the same volume of flour/water mix that you removed, give it all a good stir and seal the jar again. Do so again in another 5 days. If you do not see any bubbles by now, it has probably failed. Discard and start again.
If the mixture develops any colour other than pale cream/oatmeal (so if it goes green or purple or pink or grey) you now have a jar of poison. Bacteria or fungus have won and out-competed the yeast. If there are spots of grey or other colour on the surface, or fluffy spots, again it is poison. Throw the contents away, sterilise the jar, try again.
Once you have a pale cream/maybe very slightly oatmeal coloured gloop that bubbles a bit you have your starter. Well done. You now have a new pet in your life.
Looking After The Starter
Once you have created the starter you have actually created a living colony – and you have to feed and care for it. If the yeast runs out of food it will go dormant and that opens the door to bacteria or moulds getting a foothold and growing. You have to keep the yeast active and reproducing. To do this you feed it.
Professional bakers who are making a lot of sourdough bread are constantly taking out part of the starter mixture and using it in the dough. An 800 gram loaf will use between 150 and 250 grams of starter depending on how they make the dough. This is replaced with the same volume of flour/water mixture they take out. You can do this yourself, if you are going to make a new loaf every few days you can keep the starter at room temperature and replace what you take out with flour/water mix. The yeast in the remaining starter quickly works through the added mix and new yeast cells grow.
If you are going to make a loaf once a week you can extend this process by putting the starter in the fridge. You take the starter out the fridge a day before you are going to use it. This is so it warms up and becomes more active. If you have space in the jar, you might want to add a bit of extra flour/water mix for the yeast’s breakfast (about 100 grams flour) when you take it out the fridge – I do. You take out about a third of the starter when you make the loaf the next day and replace it with flour/water mix. I leave my jar out for a few hours/overnight after this to let it get going and then you put it back in the fridge.
If you keep your starter for more than a week in the fridge, or 3 or 4 days at room temperature, without using it, you have to feed it. Take out a third of the mixture and discard, replace with water/flour mix that you stir into the starter. So long as you regularly feed the starter it will last pretty much forever, but of course you are simply throwing away flour all the time.
If you are a bad starter owner and you forget about it, it won’t be happy. A layer of fluid will separate out at the top of the mixture and it will go grey. Grey is bad. If this happens, if the fluid and only the very surface of the starter are a light grey, no fluff, you can pour off the fluid and the top third of the starter, feed it, and it might be OK. I’ve brought back starters from grey gloom a few times. However, the starter won’t make a good loaf again until you have fed it a couple of times. If the grey comes back straight away, you best put the poor thing down.
If your starter or anything in the jar goes pink, orange, purple, green, or fluffy, you have let the yeast get too weak and you have grown something new. It might be useful to a microbiologist, it could even contain a new antibiotic unknown to man, but it is far, far more likely to be poison. Throw it away, start again.
When you feed the starter, make sure there is space for it to expand. I keep my jar about half full. When I feed it, the contents expand with the CO2 and then subside. If the jar is too full, there is no space to expand. Also, I suspect my jar leaks every so slightly so no pressure builds up. If your jar is totally sealed you might have issues with it spraying out when you open it. Let me know if you do, photographs of the mess would be appreciated.
The more regularly you use the starter, the better will be the bread you make. When I’ve kept my starter out of the fridge for a week or two and either made a loaf or simply fed the starter every 3 or 4 days, it gets more active and the dough rises more readily when I make a loaf. If I leave the mixture in the fridge for a month, only occasionally feeding it, the first loaf I make from it struggles to rise.
Starters Vary
I’ve occasionally had two starters running at the same time. I once had my home-grown starter and also one seeded from some starter given to me by Jože. I’ve also had a starter that was initiated from a sample from a local baker’s, as I have said, and I’ve created a new starter from scratch when I already had one going. The bread made from different starters have slightly different tastes. And the one I got from Jože was more active than my home grown one. I have to say, I did not notice much difference between the two home grown starters I had. I am sure this is down to a difference in the actual yeasts in the mixture (or not, in the case of my two home-grown ones).
I discussed this with a fellow Oracle Presenter Baker and we decided it was highly likely that the actual yeasts in there not only vary with where the seed material came from but also how you keep it. If you keep it in the fridge, yeasts that are more tolerant of cold conditions will survive better, keep the starter at room temperature and those yeasts that reproduce faster in warmer conditions will take over.
Whatever, a loaf of sourdough bread you make from your own starter is a real treat. I’ll describe my baking process in the next post.
Friday Philosophy – Is The Problem The Small Things? August 7, 2020
Posted by mwidlake in ethics, Friday Philosophy, off-topic, rant, User Groups.Tags: behaviour, perception, rant
6 comments
Something has been bothering me for a while. In fact, I’d go as far as to say it’s been depressing me. It’s you. Well, many of you.
What do I mean? Well I’ll give you an example. A week or so ago I went out in the car to get some shopping. A few minutes into the journey, as I go around a gentle bend, I see there is a car coming towards me – on my side of the road. I had to brake to give it space to get back over and I see it has swerved to avoid a branch in the road. As you can see in the picture, it’s not a huge branch, it covers less than one lane. I’m past it now so I go on to the shops and get my stuff.
30 minutes later I’m coming back. And I’m thinking to myself “I bet that branch is still there.” And it is. I can see it from maybe 300 meters back. The two cars in front of me barely slow down and they swerve past it. An oncoming vehicle that *I* can see coming, let alone the two cars in front of me, has to slow down for the swervers like I did. That slight bend means you get a much better warning of the obstacle from the side of the road it is on and as it is on your side, it’s really your responsibility so slow or even briefly stop, but the people in front of me just went for it. They did not care.
I did not swerve. I slowed down. And I put on my hazard lights, and stopped about 20 meters back from the branch. I double checked that no car has appeared behind me and I got out the car. In 20 seconds (including taking the snap), I’ve moved the branch off the road with no danger at all and I’m back to my car.
I know, you would have done the same.
Only no. No, you would not have.
Some of you would like to think you would have stopped and moved the obstacle.
I suspect most of you would claim, if asked, that you would have stopped and moved the branch.
And of course all of you would have slowed to avoid inconveniencing others.
But reality shows that nearly all of you would not.
As I left the scene, I was wondering how many people would have passed that branch in that 30 minutes I knew for sure this small branch had been an obstacle on the road. I’m going to let people going the other way off, as they would have to do a u-turn to come back to it, so how many people would have had to swerve past it?I know that road well, it would have been hmm, 4 or 5 cars a minute going past in one direction – certainly more than 3 cars, less than 10. So well over a hundred drivers would have seen that branch from a distance, most would have been able to safely slow and stop – and yet not one of them had. I have no idea how long the branch had been there, it was not too beaten up so maybe not long, but it could have been a couple of hours. It was easy to avoid – especially if you swerved with little concern for any on-coming traffic…
It turns out I’m the one in a hundred.
Are you thinking “well, it’s not my job to move branches of a road!”
So who’s job is it? And if you could label it as someone’s job (let’s go for someone in the “highways agency”) how do they get to know it needs doing? I don’t know about you but I see dozens of highways agency maintenance people on every journey I do, just cruising around looking for things that need doing. {sarcasm}.
When was the last time you saw something that needed doing in a public place and took the time to think about who should be told, try to contact them, get told to contact someone else, find out it’s not their job but are asked to ring Dave, who you do ring and he says thanks (before making a note to think about it, whilst probably muttering “this is not my job, I’ve got major roadworks to look after”). Hell, it’s easier to stop and move the branch.
Generally in life, in so many situations, I am constantly wondering why someone has not done X (or has done Y). Why don’t you reach for the jar in the shop the old lady can’t quite reach? Why don’t you hold the door? Why did you drop that litter when the bin is JUST THERE! That person in front of you buying a parking ticket can’t find 10p in their purse to make the correct change? You have loads of 10p pieces… some in your hand already.
This is what is depressing me. Even though nearly everyone likes to think they are the nice person who will do a little for the common good, the reality is that most people won’t when it comes to it – but most people think we all should, and you tell yourselves you do the little things. You are telling yourself now, aren’t you? You are trying to think of the little things you have done for the common good. If you can think of a half dozen in the last month then you really are one of the good guys/gals. If you can only come up with a few…and actually most of them were ages ago… well, sorry but you are the problem.
The strange thing is that, having just insulted you all, as a group you lot are much more likely to be in the 1% than normal. Even though out of the general public not even 1 in 100 people would put in a little effort to move that branch, out of the people reading this, I’d say 10% would. Because I spend a lot of time in the Oracle user community, packed with people who give up their time, knowledge, even their holidays, to speak at conferences, help organise meetings, answer on forums, write blogs, answer questions on twitter, and all that stuff. Many of you reading this are active members of the User Community doing not just small things but often large things for the community. That’s why the community works.
To the rest of you, instead of liking to think you would move the branch or claiming you would (as everyone wants to be thought of as the nice guy/gal) just occasionally move the branch. Or pick that piece of litter up. Or do something small that cost you so little but it just would be nice if someone did it.
No one will thank you.
But you will know you did it. And you are becoming no longer part of the problem but part of the solution. I’m not asking you to give 10% of your salary to charity or give up an important part of your life, just do a bit of the small stuff.
If more of us do it, we will have a better world. If someone had moved that branch soon after it fell, I would not have had to avoid some swerving dickhead, and the person I saw later would have not had to avoid people who could not even be bothered to slow down or stop briefly. And, in the worst case, that needless accident need not have happened. It really is as simple as spending 1 minute moving a branch.
Don’t be part of the problem, be part of the solution. It’s really, really, really easy.
COVID-19: The Coming Peak in the UK & Beyond. April 9, 2020
Posted by mwidlake in biology, COVID-19, off-topic, science.Tags: COVID-19, ethics, science
9 comments
<<<<<<Introduction to Covid-19
<<<< Why we had to go into lock-down
<< What we could do to help ease social distancing
The UK government is now talking more in it’s daily briefings about what will come “next”, that is after we have seen the number of diagnosed cases & deaths continue to grow, plateau, and then fall. It will plateau & fall, so long as we all keep staying at home and limiting our social interactions. If we do not, we risk the virus spreading out of control again.
When Will the Peak Be?
First of all, there will be two peaks. First the number of new cases a day will peak and then, about 8 days later, the number of deaths per day will peak. This is because of the average gap between being diagnosed in hospital and succumbing, for those unfortunate enough to do so.
The number of deaths a day looks to me like it will peak around April 20th, at somewhere between 1,200 and 1,500 a day (see below why I think tracking deaths is more reliable than case numbers and why case numbers are a poor metric). We will know that peak is coming as, if the lock-down measures have worked as intend, their effect will result in a plateauing and then drop in new cases during next week ( April 12th-18th). We might be seeing that plateauing already. Deaths will plateau (stay steady) for maybe a longer period than cases due to the fact that the gap between diagnosis and recovery or death is variable. That period will be something like April; 20-27th
If we follow the same “curve” as Italy and Spain, the number of new cases will slowly start dropping but not as sharply as early models indicated. Deaths will also drop, about 8-10 days later. What happens then I have no idea really, it depends on how well the current social distancing measures work and if people continue to stick to them as spring progresses and people want to escape confinement.
A disproportionate number of deaths in this peak will be from our health services and critical works – people working in shops, bus drivers, refuse collectors, GP’s, teachers – because they are the most exposed. The care industry workers and lower paid people in our society will be hardest hit, which seems monumentally unfair.
The plan of pretty much all national governments so far is the same:
- Isolation of all people who are non-key workers
- Slow the spread
- Expand the respiratory Intensive Care capabilities of the health services as much as possible
- Look after as many of the wave of people already infected & becoming ill as possible
As I’ve covered in prior blogs, if the government’s measures work we are then we are left “sleeping with the tiger”. The virus is in our population, it will be slowly spreading still, and when social isolation measures relax there is a real risk of the illness and deaths exploding again because most of us are not immune. This is know by all epidemiologists studying this, it is a situation that China, Italy, Spain, and most other countries will face.
The big question is – what comes after the peak?
I’m going to cover three four things:
- Why we cannot go on “Cases” the number most often graphed and discussed. We have to go on deaths, and even then there are some confusing factors.
- Why the Infection Fatality Rate is key – and we do not know that yet
- A “test” or “vaccine” is not a black and white thing, it’s grey, and especially for a Vaccine, it is not coming soon.
- How we might manage the period between either a reliable vaccine or herd immunity. Both currently look like at least 18-24 months away.
Why Case Numbers Cannot Be Relied On.
Case numbers (the number of people who have been confirmed as having Covid-19) are the most commonly reported figures, many of us track if things are getting better or worse by them. But they are a very poor indicator really and they certainly cannot be used to compare between countries.
First of all, how are the diagnoses being made? Most countries are using the WHO-approved test or a very similar one, called a PCR test. I won’t go into the details here, I’ll put them in the section of the post on testing, but the test is accurate if done in a laboratory. Why in a lab? because any cross-contamination can give a false positive and if the sample or test chemicals are not kept/handled correctly, can give a false negative.
Not all countries are using just PCR tests. China made some diagnoses based only on symptoms. I’m not sure if other countries are making diagnoses from symptoms only and including them in official figures.
More significantly is who is being tested. In the UK the test was originally only being done on seriously ill patients in hospital. It is now being done on a few NHS staff and certain key people (like Boris Johnson!). In South Korea and Germany, many, many more people were tested, so there will be more cases identified. Add on to that the number of tests a country can do.
In the UK we were limited to a pitifully small number of tests per day, less than 6,000 until March 17th and we only reached 10,000 test a day at the start of April. You cannot detect cases in people you have not tested.
Case numbers will also vary from country to country based on the country’s population! The UK is going to have a lot more cases than Denmark as we have over 10 times as many people.
The final confusion is that even in a single country, what counts as a day for reporting can vary and it can take time for information to be recorded. The UK sees a drop of cases against the prevailing trend on Sunday and Monday. As the cases are for the prior day and it seems like the data is not being as well processed at weekend.
Estimations of how many people really have Covid-19 at any time, as opposed to validated Case numbers, vary wildly. In the UK I doubt we are detecting even 1/3 of cases.
So, all in all, Case Rates are pretty poor as an indicator of how many people are really ill.
Infection Fatality Rate and Tracking Deaths Not Cases.
As I mentioned in my previous post last week, what we really need to know is the Infection Fatality Rate (IFR). This is the percentage of infected people who die. It is not the same as the Case Fatality Rate (CFR), which is the percentage of known cases that die. As the number of known cases is such an unreliable number (see above!) then of course the CFR is going to be rubbish. This is a large part of why the CFR varies so wildly from country to country. France has a CFR of 8.7%, almost as bad as the UK at 10.4%. The US has a CFR of 2.9% (but they will catch up).
As I also covered last week, we cannot calculate the IFR until we know the number of people who have been infected. For that we need a reliable antibody test and one does not exist yet. Yes, they are being sold, but the reliability is poor. Last I knew the UK NHS had reviewed several candidates and none were reliable enough to use.
Scientist have suggested many Infection Fatality rates. I feel 0.5% is a fair estimate. It is vital we know this number with some accuracy as if we have an Infection Fatality Rate we can flip the coin and calculate the number of people who have been infected from the number of people who have died.
You can go from a graph like the example one I show (either from a model or, after the peak, from real figures) and as you have the number who died (say 20,000 to keep it simple) and the IFR of 0.5% you know that 4 million people (minus the 20,000 who died) had the disease and are now immune.
Of course, once we have a reliable antibody test we can verify the exact value for Infection Fatality Rate and the percentage of the population now immune. But we only need that information from one country and it can be used, with minor modifications for population age and capacity of the health services, to estimate how many people are immune and thus how many are still at risk from Covid-19. In my example, about 62.5 million people in the UK would still be susceptible to Covid-19. Which is why this will be far from over after this initial peak.
There is one huge caveat in respect of the IFR. If in the UK the NHS is over-run, we will have extra deaths. People who would have survived with treatment die as too many people needed treatment at the same time. This is the whole “flattening the curve” argument, we have to protect the NHS from being over-run to limit this extra, avoidable deaths. In effect the IFR is elevated due to the limitations of the health system.
Countries which do have a poor health service or other aspects of their society that block them from the health service (cultural bias, fear of crippling debt) or more likely to have an elevated IFR, as are countries that allow Covid-19 to run unchecked through their population.
There is another aspect to the IFR and measuring progress of Covid-19 via the death rate. The number of deaths is a more reliable measure. I know that sounds callous, but as we have seen, the Case Number is totally reliant on how you do your testing and there needs to be a huge testing capacity to keep up. Deaths are simpler:
- There are fewer deaths so fewer tests are needed (to confirm SARS-CoV-2 was present in the deceased, if not already tested).
- Deaths have to be recorded in a timely manner.
- Deaths are noticed. There are going to be people who are seriously ill and would be tested if they went to hospital but don’t, they get better and it is not recorded. They are “invisible”. Dead people invariably get noticed.
- A country that wants to hide the active level of Covid-19 can do so by not testing, under-testing, or not reporting honestly on the tests. It’s not impossible, but it’s hard to cover up a significant increase in the number of deaths.
I stress that is is not a perfect indicator though. There is no clear distinction made as to whether the patient dies of some other illness but SARS-CoV-2 was present; whether the patient was likely to die “soon” anyway – again due to other illnesses; patients who die outside hospitals are not counted in the UK daily figures yet. (If you follow me on Twitter you will have possibly seen me querying the figures last Monday – and people pointing out the reason!)
Reported deaths will also suffer from spikes and dips due to how the reporting is done. The UK and some other countries I checked (France, Italy, Spain) show a dip in all figures, against trend, on Sunday or Monday (or both).
There is a really nice article on all of this this by New Scientist which is itself partly based on this paper by the lancet that gives an IFR of 0.66%
There is also a whole plethora of graphs and information on ourworldindata.org/coronavirus , as well as text explaining in more detail what I have said here. It is well worth a look and you can change which countries appear on the graphs.
Test are Not Black And White
There has been a lot of talk in the UK and elsewhere (including the USA), about not doing enough testing. On the other hand their is a constant stream of media reports about quick home tests, both for if you have Covid-19 or have antibodies to SARS-CoV-2 and so are immune. So what is the reality?
A test is only any good if it is reliable as used. For something like a deadly pandemic, it needs to be really reliable. Let me explain why.
Let’s say a company is selling an antibody test and someone uses it, it says they are immune, and they stop self-isolating. But the test is 75% accurate. 75% sounds good, yes? No. it means 1 in 4 people who take that test and it says they are immune are not – and they have now gone out, spread the disease to their aunt Mary and she dies. Plus infecting a large number of people and keeping the whole sorry mess going.
{Update – as a friend reminded me, when you are testing for an “unlikely” event, which being immune to C-19 is right now, even a 95% accurate test will give far more false positives than real positives across the whole population – I’ll try and do another blog to explain why}.
And that is if they take the test properly – companies are most likely to give you the best, under-ideal-conditions accuracy rate as they want to sell more kits than Sproggins Pharma selling a similar kit which they claim is 73% accurate.
If you are reading this, you are probably the sort of person who will read the instructions, follow them carefully, not put the swab down on a table, not let the dog chew it. And you note the bit on reliability. Most won’t. They will do the test quickly, it says they are immune and they will believe it, especially if the quoted reliability rate is high.
Any home test that can be used by the public has to be both very reliable (less then 5% false positives) and utterly idiot-proof. I’m really concerned that countries that put money first will allow companies to sell tests that do not meet these criteria and it will make the situation a lot, lot worse. It might even result in the pandemic running out of control.
Test For Being Infected – PCR test
PCR stands for Polymerase Chain Reaction. The WHO-approved test for Covid-19 is a PCR test and has been fully described since the end of January. You can even download the details of the test and methods from the WHO page I link to.
A PCR test is a genetic test. A primer is added to the sample to be tested and that primer latches on to a very specific DNA or RNA sequence. A biochemical reaction is then used, called a Polymerase Chain Reaction, to make copies of that DNA/RNA, doubling the number in the sample. These steps are repeated 30 to 40 times to make millions of copies of DNA/RNA. With an old-style PCR test you would then need to run the processed sample through a second process to detect it, like a Southern Blot – you get a square of gel with black lines on it. The PCR test for COVID-19 should be a real-time PCR test. With this the new copies made are attached to a florescent dye so that it can be easily detected as soon as there are enough copies in the sample, say after 30 iterations not the full 40, saving time.
If the original sample contains even just a few pieces of the DNA/RNA you are testing for, you will detect it. The process takes a few hours.
The RNA of the SARS-CoV-2 virus was sequenced (read) back in January and the WHO identified sequences that were unique to the virus, and these are used to make the primers. As I understand it most countries use the WHO identified primers but the USA had some “discussions” between commercial companies over which primers they thought should be used. I won’t suggest there was an element of these commercial companies looking to make a fortune from this, i’m sure it was all about identifying an even more unique RNA sequence to target.
The test has to be done in laboratory conditions. Because the test is so sensitive any cross contamination can give a false positive. e.g the sample taken from a patient was done by someone with COVID-19 themselves or there was SARS-Cov-2 virus in the air from another nearby patient. If a swab is used to get a sample from the back of the throat, it has to be put into a sealed tube as soon as it is used.
If the sample to be tested has not been looked after properly (kept cool, not kept for too long etc) or the chemicals for running the test are similarly not kept in a laboratory environment, you may fail to detect the RNA – a false negative.
Finally, the virus RNA has to be there to be detected. A patient early in their illness may not be shedding virus at a high enough level for the swab to pick up some of it. Once a patient’s own immune system has wiped out the virus (or almost wiped it out) again the swap may not have any or enough virus in it to be detected.
Done right a PCR test is a powerful, incredibly reliable (over 99%) diagnostic tool and is used for detecting many viral diseases, including HIV, Influenza, and MERS.
You can probably now understand why creating a PCR test for Covid-19 that can be used at home or in the ward and gives a result in minutes is a bit of a challenge.
Some companies are trying to create a different sort of test. These depend on creating a chemical that will bind to the virus itself, probably one of the viral surface proteins. That chemical or part of it will then react with something else, a marker chemical, to give a visible change, much like a pregnancy test. You put the sample in a well or spot where the detecting chemical is. Fluid is then dragged along the strip carrying the thing to be detected (the virus in this case) and the detecting chemical. Any detecting chemical that did not bind will be left behind. When the fluid goes past the marker chemical, if there is enough detecting chemical, it will change colour. Neat!
Best I know at time of writing, no one has come up with such a test that was reliable. I’m pretty sure someone will, in a few weeks or months. It should be accurate but no where near as sensitive as a PCR test. I must stress, to actually be of use in handling Covid-19 as a nation, the rate of false positive would need to be very low. False negative, though not good for the individual, is nothing like as big a problem in containing the pandemic).
Antibody Test
An Antibody test will show if you have had Covid-19. It will not show if you currently have it, or at least not until the very late stages. This is because it is testing for the natural ability for your immune system, via antibodies, to recognise and attack the SARS-Cov-2 virus.
We desperately need an antibody test as it will allow us to identify people who have had the disease and are now immune. This is vital for 2 reasons:
- Someone who is immune does not need to be restricted by social distancing. See my prior post on why this is vital and how we might identify such people.
- We can find out how many people have had the disease and compare it to the number of people who have died of the disease and get that very useful Infection Fatality Rate.
Unfortunately, making an antibody test is not easy. Some are in trials and I think the UK government have tried some – and none have proven trustworthy.
An antibody test is simply not simple. What you need to do is design something that an antibody reacts against, so let me just describe something about antibodies. Before I go any further, I must make it very, very, very clear that of all the biological things I have touched on so far, antibody technology is something my academic background hardly touched on and most of what I know comes from popular science magazines and a few discussions with real experts last year when my work life touched that area.
Your body creates antibodies when it detects something to fight, an invader in our tissues. This is usually a viral or bacterial infection. It also includes cells that “are not our own”, which is why we reject organ transplants unless they are both “matched” to us and we take drugs to dial down our immune response. Our antibodies recognise bits of the invader, in the case of viruses that is (usually) proteins that are in the coat, the outer layer, of viruses. Usually it’s the key proteins, the ones that give them access to our cells. Our immune cells learn to recognise these proteins and attack anything with them on it.
Anyone infected with SARS-Cov-2 who survives (which is, thankfully, most of us) now have antibodies that recognise the virus. There is no guarantee that what Dave’s immune system recognises SATS-CoV-2 by is what Shanti’s immune system does. It will be a bit of the virus, but not necessarily the same bit!
So an antibody test has to include proteins or fragments of proteins that most human immune systems that recognise SARS-Cov-2 will recognise. And as that will potentially vary from person to person…. Oh dear. Thus a good antibody test probably needs to have several proteins or protein fragments in it to work. This is why it is complex.
Again, the tests will come but the first ones will almost certainly not be specific/reliable enough to really trust.
Vaccine
The bad news? Despite all the media hype and suggestions in government announcements of creating a vaccination in 18 months (maybe sooner), it is very unlikely. Sorry. It is very, very unlikely. Don’t get me wrong, I would love us to have one right now, or in a month, or even in 6 months. But unless there is a medical miracle, we won’t and by suggesting to everyone that we might, I think the powers that be are storing up a lot of anger, frustration and other issues
A vaccine needs to do something similar to the Antibody test. It needs to contain something that either is part of the virus or looks like part of it. This is usually:
- An inactivated version of the virus
- a fragment of the virus
- One of the key proteins on the virus
- Rarely, a related virus that is much less harmful (for example cowpox for smallpox vaccine).
The vaccine is administered and the person creates antibodies to it. Now, when the person is exposed to the real virus, the immune system is ready to attack it. Neat!
Creating vaccines is a long process. You need to come up with something that is safe to administer, prompts our immune systems to create the antibodies, and the antibody reliably attack the virus the vaccine is for – and nothing else! (Occasionally a new vaccine is found to prompt some people’s immune system to attack other things – like the healthy, useful protein the virus actually attacks). And you have to produce a LOT of that thing if you are going to administer it to a large number of people, such as most of the UK population.
The vaccine has to work on most people as you need 60-70% of people to be immune to SAR-CoV-2 get herd immunity from Covid-19 – the higher the better. The influenza vaccine is often much less effective than 50%, especially in older people.
You are giving the vaccine to healthy people and to lots and lots of them. It has to be really, really, really safe. If it seriously harms 1 in a thousand people (which might sound reasonable at first glance, for treating something as bad as Covid-19) – well, that is almost as bad as Covid-19 itself. You would be harming hundreds of thousands of people.
With a drug you use to treat the ill, you can afford for it to be less safe – as you are only giving it to people who are ill (so a smaller number) and they have more to lose. The risk/reward balance is more likely to be positive for a drug. Even if a drug for a life-threatening illness harms 5% of people but cures 50%, it is worth (with informed consent) using it.
We have never, ever created a vaccine in 18 months before. I’m struggling to get a scientific reference as searches are swamped with talk pieces (like this one!) on why it will take a long time. However, this video by an American doctor Zubin Damnia who does social media about medical matters explains better than I can and this history of vaccines makes it clear at the top it often takes 10 years.
The bottom line is, much though I want to be wrong, the often stated aim of having a suitable vaccine in 18 months or less will need a medical miracle and a huge amount of work.
After The Peak And With No Vaccine – How Do We Cope?
After the peak, most people are still at risk from Covid-19. As I said earlier, if the Infection Fatality Rate is 0.5% then for each person who died there will be 200 people who are now immune, so if there are 20,000 deaths that is 4 million people immune. 6
If there is no vaccine then we have, I think, four options:
- Continue social isolation measures as they are to keep the virus from spreading.
- Relax isolation a little and let cases creep up but held as steady rate, but within the capacity of the NHS.
- Relax isolation quite a bit, monitor number of admissions to ICU (or something similar) and re-impose strict social isolation at the current level if things start getting worse.
- Relax isolation a lot and massively increase testing and case tracking – copying the South Korea/Singapore approach.
Option 1 to hold us all in isolation is, I think, untenable. People will stop doing it and the impact on our economy must be massive. The impact on our society will also be massive, especially if this continues into the next academic year.
I don’t think we can manage option 4 in the UK yet.
So I think we will see an attempt at option 2, relaxing some social isolation rules (such as allowing restaurants to open and small gatherings) but then option 3, tightening social isolation if numbers of new cases start to build.
Option 4 could become a reality in a few months, especially if we can get people to use mobile phone apps to track movements and aid identifying the contacts of people who become ill, but not everyone has a mobile phone and I think a good percentage of people will not agree to be tracked.
At present, without a vaccine, we will be living with some sort of social until we reach herd immunity, with at the very least 60% of us immune. How long will that take? 60% of the UK population is 40.5 million people. That equates to 202,500 deaths from Covid-19 to get there (remember, see the bit on IFR above).
This current peak of Covid-19 will last about 3 months, from the start of March to the end of May. It remains to be seen if we exceed the NHS expanded capacity. If we allow 20,000 deaths a peak with 4 million people becoming immune each peak, that’s 10 peaks, so 2.5 years.
A better option could well be to aim for a steady rate of new cases and deaths from Covid-19, say 1000 a week. At that rate herd immunity will take just over 200 weeks, 4 years. If we allow 4000 deaths a week than we could be there in a year, but our NHS would have to be handling the many, many thousands of ill patients that would entail.
Of course, in reality, our treatment of Covid-19 patients will get better over time, so fewer people will die from it, but it will still be a horrible thing to go through. And, if we DO get a vaccine sooner rather than later, many of those people will have died needlessly.
So, as you can see, we are in this for a long while.
The expanded health services, better knowledge of what social movement restrictions work, improved testing (including home testing), even my idea of cards for those immune, would all make life easier, it is not all doom and gloom. But I just wish all of what I have put here was being discussed and shared with people (preferably in a shorter form than this blog!) in a clear and constant message. I think if more people understood where we are and what is likely to to happen (or not), we will save ourselves a lot of issues weeks/months/even years down the line.
I honestly don’t know what the answer is – I don’t think anyone does. Which is why all of this talk about an “exit strategy” results in lots of hand waving and no clear plan.
As ever, if you think I’ve got something wrong, you know of a good academic source covering this, or you simply have a comment – let me know.