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Next Club Oracle London – 12th November 2014 November 10, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Meeting notes.
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The next Club Oracle London is taking this place, on Wednesday 12th November. You can find the details here.

This is a free evening or Oracle talks provided by some of our local experts and beer/snacks provided by e-DBA. The first event was back on the 3rd of July and it was a great evening. The coming event will have presentations by James Anthony, Dominic Giles and Jason Arneil in 12C in-memory database, key facts gleaned from OOW14 and 12C enhancements respectively – all excellent presenters and you get to ask them awkward questions in an open session at the end. Plus free beer and (I think) pizza to keep you going. All you can ask for of a user group meeting.

I have to say, it’s not the easiest event to find out about unless you have managed to get onto the list of people who are interested (ie turned up last time I think). There is another mention actually on e-DBAs LinkedIn page here and my freind Neil Chandler put a quick post about it last week but there is not a lot else out there about it!

I know e-DBA are keen for these events to stand on their own 2 feet and not be seen as just an e-DBA event so they are not pushing it hard themselves – they are happy to just to provide the support – but it seems the message is not getting out to the Oracle community about the events, so spread the work if you are from around these parts. It would be good to see it well attended and continue. I understand they are already looking at who they would like to present next time, so there should be future events.

 

{And I still think they should call it London Oracle Club… }

Friday Philosophy – Is Dave Productive? November 7, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, humour, Management.
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4 comments

How do I know if Dave is doing his job properly? If I am his (or her*) manager, what techniques can I use to ensure I am getting my pound of flesh out of this worker drone in return for the exorbitant salary my company puts into said drone’s bank account each month?

Well, as a start there is my last Friday Philosophy all about deduction of work profile via auditory analysis of input devices (ie how fast is Dave typing) :-) I have to say, the response to that topic has been very good, I’ve had a few chats with people about it and got some interesting comments on the blog article itself. My blog hits went Ping :-)

However, I have a confession to make. I have a “history” in respect of keyboards and management of staff. Maybe one of my old colleagues will comment to confirm this, but I used to regularly walk into an office full of “my people” and bark “Type faster you B*****ds! I don’t care what it is you are doing, I just want to see those fingers flying over the keyboard!”. They all knew to ignore me, this was just one example of my pathetic sense of humour. In some ways, I was never a very good manager as I was just a bit too juvenile, irreverent and non-managerial.

I was being ironic and they knew it. I had no time for many of the Management Easy Options you so often come across in organisations that are used to apparently help ensure the staff are working hard. What do I mean by Management Easy Options? I’ll cover a few.

 

You have to be at your desk for at least 8 hours.

At Your Desk. Because if you are at your desk you are working of course. And if you are not at your desk, you are not working. Hours at the desk apparently equate to productivity. So a Management Easy Option is to insist all your staff are seen to be in the office and at their desk for as long as, and preferably longer, than the average time across all staff. And that is partly why in dysfunctional companies staff are in the office so long. As if lots of managers want to demonstrate that they are “good managers” by having their staff “productive” at their desks, their staff will be there longer than average…which pushes up the average…so they keep the staff there longer… *sigh*

I could spend a few pages on the academic and psychological studies that disprove the above nonsense about 8 hours of productive work – but we all know it is nonsense anyway. We talk about it at lunch or in the pub. If you are stuck at your desk longer than you can concentrate, you do other stuff that is hard to distinguish from work. Or you do poor work. WE ALL KNOW THIS so why does this myth about hours-at-desk continue? What happens to some manager’s brains such that they start managing and soon stop knowing this?!?

As a self employed worker in the London IT market, I often get given a contract to sign that specifies I must do a professional working day:- that “consists of 8 hours minimum each day”. For the last 5 or 6 years I have always crossed out that clause or altered it to say “8 hours maximum” or replaced it with what I feel should be the real clause, which is:

A professional working day, which is to, on average across a week,  match or exceed the requirements of my manager for a day’s productivity.

If I am being asked to work a Professional Working Day then to me that means I have to achieve a day’s worth of benefit to the company for each day paid to me. If that takes me 8 hours or 6 or 9 or whatever is immaterial. As a Professional I will on average, each day, keep my manager happy that I am worth employing. If that involves 6 hours of extra work one day between 8pm and 2am, fine. But do not expect 8 hours the next day. If my manager is not happy, then you ask me to go and I will go. It really is as simple as that.

{honesty forces me to admit that at present, for the first time in years, I have that 40 hour clause in place. Because I am doing a role for a friend, and I did not want to cause a fuss by objecting to the clause. But if management ever refer to the clause, my friend knows I will simply thank management for their time to date – and I’ll be going now}.

I drifted into my own world there, but the point I really wanted to make is that hours spent at the desk in no way indicate if the job is being done. We all know that, all the managers know that (well, they will if they are any good). Some people can be at their desk 10 hours a day and, frankly, it would help the company if they were not! Other people are at their desk but spend a huge slice of the time on the web or Instant Messaging or *cough* writing blogs.

 

You have to be in the office.

If you are at home, you will be goofing off.
So what does the above say about the manager if that is their opinion? If you are at home, you would goof off, so therefore your staff will? Of course working from home has other considerations, such as it is only possible if your role allows you to spend some days not physically doing things in the office (pressing reset buttons on boxes? Making tea for the team?) and you are in the office enough to maintain and make proper bridges with your colleagues. I also think working from home is a privilege to earn and not a right, as some people really are incapable of working from home. I had a role a while back where when one chap was “working from home” he was actually doing all sorts of things – but his smartphone was set up to fake an online presence. He was incapable of working from home.

But in IT there really is not a need for many of us to spend all that time and unpleasantness commuting and some tasks really are done more efficiently if people can’t keep coming up to your desk and demanding their personal priorities really are your priorities too (which usually equates to they are in it up to their necks and you can dig them out).

 

Enforce a Clean Desk policy.

Now, there are things that should not ever be left on your desk. Financial information, personal information (like people’s CVs or annual reviews), management information (salary reviews, plans to axe 22% of the workforce, stuff like that) but I have no time at all for the argument that a clean desk looks more professional. It does not look more professional, that is just weaselly, lying balls. It looks more like someone has implemented a draconian clean desk policy and any sign of the desk occupants being human is of no consideration.

If you walk into an office with 300 utterly clean desks, it looks like a soul-less, bitter and degrading place to work slave.

You walk into an office and you see pictures of offspring & partners, little toys (not my thing but some people like to have the gonk their boy/girlfriend gave them) and that’s just fine.

Yeah, if Malcolm has a pile of 237 Diet Coke cans in a pyramid on his desk that is not so hot, but as a manager it is your job to go tell Malcolm to recycle those damn cans. And for those of us who work in Clean Desk environments, we all know we spend a few minutes each morning pulling stuff out of our pedestals and a few minutes each evening chucking it all back in there. Great use of time, oh management clean desk police. So the Management Easy Option is to make everyone remove all signs of humanity and *also* waste time moving all useful things off your desk each evening and drag them out each morning, rather than occasionally check what people leave on their desk and, when Cherry has left details of the latest dodgy plan to hide details from the FDA on her desk, give her a seriously hard talking to.

In one job I did not have desk pedestal, I had a locker – “Over There” at the other side of the office where my first allotted desk was. It took two or three trips each morning and end of the day to sort out my stuff and keep my desk “clean”. At least I docked it off the 8 hour day…

 

So having moaned about a few of these Easy Management Options that, in my opinion, are detrimental – how do you ensure Dave is Productive? Now, this is a complex and challenging idea and I am not sure some managers will understand it. But, the way you can tell if Dave is productive is that…

He Does His Job.

He completes the tasks assigned to him in the time frame that is reasonable or informs you of the reasons why the tasks are taking longer. If Dave’s role includes scooping up issues and solving them autonomously, you know Dave is doing his job as the end users are not screaming at you. In fact, if as a manger you are barely aware of Dave existing, either he is doing his job exceedingly well or you employed him to do a non-existent job (so more fool you). The bottom line is that, as Dave’s manager, your job is to to aid Dave do his job, overcome obstacle and track that his tasks are done.. ie be a proper manager, not rule by Easy Management Options.

Bottom line, to get back to my first paragraph or two, it matters not one jot how fast Dave types. If (s)he is in the office for the meetings and any core hours needed, fine. So long as a member of staff is not doing things that negatively impact their ability to do their job or those around them to do theirs, there are few blanket rules that help. All those Easy Management Options simply exist to cover the backsides of poor managers and satisfy the desire for control that comes from HR and upper management. Neither of which *Ever* abide by the rules they lay down on others.

Break free! Type slowly! Put a picture of Debbie Harry on your desk. Work from home and Go Crazy spending an hour in the afternoon combing the dog. Just make sure you do your job. In my book, that makes you worth your pay. Is it really so hard to manage people in that way?!?

(*) I have yet to meet a lady called Dave, but Dave is simply my generic name for someone working in IT. No real Dave is implied. But both sexes are.

What Day Is It If You Only Specify The Time? November 6, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in SQL.
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What is the date if you only specify the time when you populate an Oracle date column (or variable)?

That was the question that came up a few days ago in the little DBA team I am currently working in. Of course, the question was posed by the “junior” (who is damned smart at this stuff as he keeps asking questions like that) and the answer from us two old hands was… “Ohh!… hang on… errr….”

A little discussion then occurred. One of us suggested it would be “today”. One of us suggested it would be the Julian 1 date (4712BC). Both of us then stated it was an easy thing to test and the PROPER answer was “just try it and then you will know for sure”. We were right {and, of course, wrong} – as in with a simple question like this you don’t need to google the question (so “hello” to anyone googling the question and finding this page!) you just try it:

The junior tried it and…

select sysdate,to_char(to_date('11:23:15','HH24:MI:SS'),'DD-MON-YYYY HH24:MI:SS') time_only
from dual;

SYSDATE              TIME_ONLY
-------------------- --------------------
05-NOV-2014 22:37:23 01-NOV-2014 11:23:15

The above of course shows that us two old hands were wrong in our suggestions of what the default date would be

The answer is that:

If you do not specify the date, it defaults to *the first day of the current month*

How odd. How amusing. What was more amusing was the two of us old hands looked at the answer and we both said “oh yes! I remember learning that before. Maybe a couple of times..”.

Maybe I am wrong and most of you reading this learned what the default date is early in your Oracle experience and never forgot it {or have learned it from here and will not forget it now, so long as you remain in possession of your wits} but both of us tired old sods laughed over the fact we knew we had known that and forgotten it. And when asked, came up with reasonable, but wrong, suggestions to the the answer. But at least we both knew it was one of those “you can answer it almost as quickly as it takes to google it” questions and the proper answer was to do a 1 minute test.

A quick check on a table in one of our applications that holds the date and time of an event in two columns (a slightly mad but common situation) demonstrated it nicely too:

select action_date,action_time
from source_table
where action_time is not null
ACTION_DATE           ACTION_TIME
-------------------- --------------------
09-JUN-2011 00:00:00 01-OCT-2014 11:45:30
09-DEC-2012 00:00:00 01-OCT-2014 11:12:13
09-DEC-2012 00:00:00 01-OCT-2014 17:05:57
13-JUN-2013 00:00:00 01-OCT-2014 16:25:17
17-JUN-2013 00:00:00 01-OCT-2014 16:39:00
20-JUN-2013 00:00:00 01-OCT-2014 13:00:00
25-SEP-2014 00:00:00 01-NOV-2014 08:59:00
03-NOV-2014 00:00:00 01-NOV-2014 09:00:00
03-NOV-2014 00:00:00 01-NOV-2014 00:00:00

So, if you do not specify the date, Oracle substitutes the first day of the current month. It is fully documented in the overview of the date datatype

Of course, if you do not state the time portion of a date, it defaults to the start of the current hour.

Only kidding, it of course defaults to midnight, though given how the date portion defaults my hour suggestion would almost make sense.

select sysdate,to_char(to_date('15-OCT-2013','DD-MON-YYYY'),'DD-MON-YYYY HH24:MI:SS') date_only
from dual;

SYSDATE              DATE_ONLY
-------------------- --------------------
06-NOV-14            15-OCT-2013 00:00:00

I wonder what other basic pieces of Oracle Info have left my head and if it is more or less than the average person who has been doing this for 25 years?

Friday Philosophy – Is Dave Working? October 17, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, humour, Perceptions.
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19 comments

Is Dave across the desk from you working at the moment? Or is he goofing off? You can’t see his screen but I reckon you can make a fair stab at what he is up to, without recourse to any sort of IT monitoring systems at all. How?

How fast is Dave typing?

If Dave is typing fast, he is almost certainly not working. He’s goofing. There are very few things you can do when you work in IT where you type fast – and especially not type fast for more than a few seconds. If Dave is typing fast he is almost certainly emailing a mate or instant-messaging Sandra in the development team. If Dave is typing fast, pausing for a few seconds and then typing fast again, he is *certainly* conversing electronically with a friend. This will be 100% corroborated if he smiles, sniggers, smirks, laughs or just glances around furtively.

Longer periods of typing (say a minute or two) and then pausing for a similar time then Dave is probably working, say documenting something or writing a work-related email {or,perhaps a blog post – *cough*} . The clinchers here that indicate work is being done are (a) he will not be smiling or showing any signs of happiness and (b) there will be bursts of “tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch-tch” where the delete key is being pounded to remove an offending line or block of text. {People in IT always seem to delete text by repeatedly hitting the delete key. Higher forms of life, like secretarial staff, are more likely to select the text and hit the delete key once. Or, even, the first character of what they are going to type next. Why do those of us in IT just pound the delete key?!?}.

I hope the people around me have not noticed I am less miserable than usual, else they will know I have stopped documenting and I am now blogging…

Fast key tapping but in an oddly “monotone” way (the same key or keys over and over again) and a fixed stare and maybe the odd bit of bobbing the head or ducking – Dave is playing a game. Naughty Dave. Huge amounts of mouse woggling will also be evidence of game playing. That or doing graphical database design – but who does any design work these days….?

Any periods of fast typing for more than seven seconds are a sure indicator that no coding is being done. The seven second ceiling is a scientific fact, derived from 25 years of coding and goofing off :-). I have only ever known one person who can write code fast without pauses and he was a very odd chap indeed. A very, very good programmer though.

So, if Dave is staring fixedly at the screen, typing for a few seconds (probably slowly), pausing for a minute and frowning/muttering/swearing, he’s coding. Probably. He could be Googling for a new blue-ray play or something – googling for stuff you want to buy and coding seem to have the same sort of typing pattern and even the same air of general annoyance and confusion, with the very occasional “whoop” of success.

I think you can make a pretty accurate guess about whether someone is working or goofing, and even what type of working or goofing they are doing, purely from the sound of the keys and the facial expression.

I love the “techie” bits in films where the designated nerd sits down at the keyboard and goes “tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap” at high speed and windows of data pop up and scroll up the screen at 30 lines a second or images flash by quicker than you can follow. They never delete anything they type, no typoes occur, they never have to check the correct flag or format for a command. And they never. Ever. Ever. Use the space key.Those thumbs never clatter the big bar, the fingers just bounce up and down on the main keys as though they were playing a rather odd piano.

You check next time the techie nerd bit on a film comes up. (S)he will not use the space key at all. Even if spaces appear on the text on the screen :-)

So, any fast typing and any sign of happiness and Dave is probably goofing. Both together and he certainly is. And if you never hear the space bar rattle, Dave is in a film.

User Group Meetings Next Week (free training everyone!) July 11, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Exadata, Meeting notes, UKOUG.
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I know, posts about up-coming user group meetings are not exactly exciting, but it’s good to be reminded. You can’t beat a bit of free training, can you?

On Monday 14th I am doing a lightning talk at the 4th Oracle Midlands event. The main reason to come along is to see Jonathan Lewis talk about designing efficient SQL and then he will also do a 10 minute session on Breaking Exadata (to achieve that aim I suggest you just follow the advice of the Oracle Sales teams, that will break Exadata for you pretty efficiently!).

If you are not familiar with the Oracle Midlands events, they are FREE evening events run in Birmingham, just north of the center in Aston, at the Innovation Birmingham centre. See the web site for details and to register. The great thing about them being in the evening is you do not have to take time out from the day job to attend. The disadvantage is they are shorter of course. (And for me personally, I feel morally obliged to pop in on my dear old Mother on the way and listen to her latest crazy theories. I think it’s what Mum’s are for). Samosas were provided last time to keep you going and I know a couple of us will retire to a near-by pub after, to continue discussions.

I’ll be doing just a short talk, along with half a dozen others, my topic being “is the optimizer getting too smart to be understood”.

This is a user group in the truest sense of it, organised pretty much by one chap (Mike Mckay-Dirden) in his spare time, with help from interested people and some financial input from the sponsor Redgate.

I get a day off and then I am at the combined RAC CIA and Database SIG on Wednesday 16th. This UKOUG SIG is probably the other end of the user group experience (as in from an organisational and size perspective). They both fulfill a need and I have no problem being involved in both. In fact, I now notice that Patrick Hurley is going to be at both events too.

The RAC CIA & Database SIG is also free, IF you are a member of the UKOUG. You can also attend if you pay a one-off fee. It’s an all-day event and as it is a combined SIG it is a two-track event. It’s almost a mini-conference! Presenters include myself (doing my intro to Exadata talk, probably for the last time), Julian Dyke, Patrick Hurley, Martin Bach, Neil Chandler, Neil Johnson, Martin Nash (twice!), Ron Ekins, John Jezewski, Alex Evans and David Kurtz. If that is not enough, Owen Ireland is going to give a support update and then we have Mike Appleyard giving a keynote on a brand new 12.1 feature, Oracle Database In-Memory option.

I’d be going along even if I was not presenting or helping run the RAC CIA SIG and I’m retired for goodness sake! (well, sort of, my wife has not ordered me back to the working life yet). And of course, we will no doubt retire to a hostelry after (to count how many Neils and Martins are involved).

I hope to see as many UK people as possible at these two days. As I said at the top, it’s free training, you can’t get better than that.

London Oracle CLub June 30, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Meeting notes.
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Some of you will be aware of the LOB – London Oracle Beers. It is an informal group of us London- based people who work in the Oracle sphere and who also like to have a pint (be it beer, cider, larger or diet coke). We mostly just catch up as friends and talk rubbish and, amongst that, discuss topics related to Oracle technologies. Something we occasionally talk about it whether we should make it a little more formal and have presentations on Oracle topics.

Well, thanks to Jonathan Lewis and with the support of e-DBA, I’m pleased to say that Club Oracle London is born. I wish they had called in London Oracle Club :-).

If you follow the link you will see that it is an evening event in central London, 96-100 Clifton Street, the Workers Educational Association, being held this Thursday 3rd July. The event is FREE. It follows the format of the Oracle Midlands meetings that started recently, where there are a couple of talks provided by experts, some refreshments in the middle and the chance to meet up with like-minded Oracle professionals in your areas.

This first London Oracle Club will have presentations by Jonathan Lewis on upgrading, Jason Arneil on upgrading to 12C and Dominic Giles/James Anthony on using tools to upgrade, like Swingbench (which Dom wrote and most of us will recognise as the workload generator used by soooo many demonstrations of RAC) and SLOB. You would be correct to detect the running theme of upgrades.

You need to register for the event (see the link above) and I have no idea how many spaces are left, but with that set of presenters I already know half a dozen people intending to go along, including myself. Weeeellll, I have to go along to make sure Jonathan gets what he says correct…. ;-)

I’m looking forward to this initiative, I strongly support user groups of all formats. One of the best ways we learn is to teach each other.

I hope to see some of you there. And for those living no where near London or the UK, ask yourself if a little local user group could work where you are? If you keep it simple and use local (or visiting) talent, what is to stop you?

SBC June 26, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in humour, off-topic, rant.
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When I was about 14 or 15 years old I had this idea that I could create a company selling stuff and make a fair amount of money at it, very easily. What prompted these thoughts were advertisements that attempted to persuade you to buy things that were not at all special or unusual or even good, but the ads claimed that they were in fact fantastic and desirable and having them would significantly improve your life. Often the ads were for really quite rubbish things. It was blatantly obvious that, whilst no factual lies were uttered, the promise of the sun always shining, the big smile on your face, the family joy (with mandatory cute dog) and the inner glow that comes from the product were ludicrous. The product was not going to do that, the whole underlying premise of these adverts were ludicrous lies.

In particular, I was struck by breakfast cereal advertisements.

When I was a kid I had most of the main brands and I can tell you, a bland product based on flattened corn, puffed wheat, mashed wheat, wheat in long strands woven into a small hard cushion, abused oats or any other tortured grain was fine to stop you feeling hungry before being booted out the house to walk to school – but it was not actually adding to the joy in my life. They were OK. Actually, without the sugar and the milk they were a bit shitty. And I knew they were cheap.

This summed up many products – not at all exciting, nothing special, in fact a bit crap. But they did the job and they were cheap.

So why not sell them as such? would people not prefer the honesty of a product and advertisement that fundamentally said “buy this because it is shitty but cheap”? I would have, I would have loved the base honesty of the proposition and not having to wonder why grey-brown food that tasted only slightly better than cat litter was not making me smile and the sun shine. (I was fine about not having the dog though.)

So I was going to create a company called SBC Limited that made basic, cheap stuff that you had to have and that it was ludicrous that anyone was telling you it would improve your life. Shitty But Cheap Limited. Breakfast Cereal would be one of the products for sure.

Role forward about 10 years and I created my first company, as most computer contractors in the UK do, back in 1995. Guess what I was going to call it? Yep, SBC Limited. But my wife took a firm stance (and by this I mean she set her feet a good foot and a half apart, the better to give her purchase as she slapped sense into me) and said I could not do this, as I would be incapable of not telling potential clients what SBC limited stood for.

Of course, I now realise that my outlook on things and sense of humor is not universally shared and, sadly, there are a lot of dull people who are swayed by those facile advertisements. My company to sell fundamentally bland but cheap morning foods would probably have failed. That and the Swiss Banking Corporation or SBC Telecomm or, more likely as I reside in the UK, the Scottish Borders Council might have got in touch to object.

But imagine my joy today when I was sent a potential job by SBC Recruitment!

And the icing on the cake was the job was for an APEX developer with HTML 5 proficiency. No mention of those skills on my CV, my CV makes it pretty clear that I am a DBA-type, so a fairly shitty attempt by the agency to fill the needs of the client. So presumably the recruitment company pretty much matches my intention for a company called SBC…

:-)

(* Note to lawyers, SBC Recruitment could be the best agency in the country, this post is humorous. But I really was not at all suitable for the job, very poor targeting).

Friday Philosophy – Why is my Manager a Moron? June 20, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, humour.
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3 comments

We’ve all been there. We are trying to do our job, get the work done, fix people’s problems and make the systems we work on better. But our manager is a Moron. How can we do what needs to be done with that idiot in charge? How did they get to be the manager?

Why is my manager a Moron?

The simple answer is that he/she probably is not a moron at all. But you have to blame someone for things not being the way they are:

  • You could lay some of the blame with your co-workers (especially Richard, Richard’s are almost always pretty useless :-) ) but you are all in this together, right?
  • The clients/customers are idiots of course, we all know that, but those problems are usually more to do with identifying what needs doing (and the clients should be handled by that idiot in charge).
  • You could blame the people below you but you might not be in a position to do that (see later).
  • You certainly can’t blame yourself can you?
  • So that leaves the moron manager.

There are of course managers who are poor managers, and even some who really are not that clever and should never have been put in charge. They get there due to a number of reasons such as being in an organisation where you get promoted just for having been around for a certain length of time or because they play golf with the right people or have had carnal relationships with their superiors…. But many people become managers because they were simply the best out of a limited choice or they simply did not run away quickly enough.

And of course, there are good managers.

On thing I have become aware of over the years is that the loudest and most persistent critics of managers tend to be those who have never managed anyone or anything themselves. I came across one chaps a few years back who was constantly complaining about his manager, his manager’s manager, his previous manager. They were all stupid, they all had no idea about the job, all of them were lazy. I asked him how many managers he’s had “Dozens! And they were ALL Idiots! All of them!”. Guess what. He had never been a manager of anyone or anything. And was unlikely to ever be a manager as all the current managers (a) disliked the complaining little sod and (b) knew he would be a nightmare manager, let alone a moron one.

Now that I’m old and bitter, I tend to be a lot less critical of managers, especially if they are at a level or below where I’ve managed at any point (I’ve managed teams, projects, managers of teams and, for a little while, a chain of 3 levels down – so senior middle manager I guess). The reason for my leniency is I have some understanding of what being a middle manager does to you.

  • You get told stuff that is not to be passed on and decisions are made for reasons not to be divulged. Which only makes you wonder what stuff and reasons are being kept from you by the management layer above you…
  • You are told to lie to your staff about things. Which only makes you wonder which of the things *you* are being told are lies.
  • You have to make decisions about limited resources and opportunities – I can only give one person a promotion so do I promote the best person or the one who will complain the loudest if passed over? I wonder if I should shout louder to my manager about my salary?
  • About the only time your minions come and see you it is to complain, tell you stuff is wrong, let you know that they want time off at short notice for {spurious reason that is actually they have a new girlfriend and a terribly strong need to spend a week with them in a tent in the Lake District}.
  • You can see ways you could improve things but it is blocked by your manager, who is a Moron.

The bottom line is your manager is probably acting like a Moron – as they are too stressed out by being a middle manager to function properly any more and are constantly being sniped at by you, telling everyone (s)he is a Moron.

Yep, it really is your fault.

So stop complaining, do your job, give them some slack, stop slagging them off and take your manager to the pub for a pint, they need it. And if they are still a moron in the pub then, sorry, you’ve got one of the real Morons.

Time to wake up April 1, 2014

Posted by mwidlake in Meeting notes, Private Life, UKOUG, Uncategorized.
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3 comments

This post is nothing more than a line in the sand, really.

After my post on “retiring” in November last year and then the one about working to network, as opposed to working to network just prior to 2013 year end, I have been very, very quiet. Well, I had things outside of Oracle and IT to do and they were more important to me. I’d say I have made a reasonable stab at them. My wife would say I have been a lazy and good-for-nothing so-and-so. If you do not know me, trust my wife. If you do know me, you already know to trust my wife :-) .

I do need to nod my head at a few friends who got in touch when it all went quite after my retirement post and privately checked I was not dying. I’m not, I’m fine, and I was touched by the concern. I do seem to be currently surrounded by people who have died or are dying, but so far no one I married, lived with, am related by blood to or bought (The CAT, you strange people – but she is old and was “odd” last month, I did think for a while it was white-coat time) has hit that particular end-point, but has become a constant background concern. Hmm, sometimes foreground, but still part of the benefit of not working is being able to be there when others need.

However, in my state of not-working, I did a rare check on the calendar this week and saw that 1st April 2014 was approaching – and that is my line in the sand. I had to make a break from working in London (or, rather, commuting in and out of London) and also sort a few non-IT things out in my real life, which I think I have. So I am entering the weird world of Oracle IT once more. Last week I went to the second Oracle Midlands user group meeting and it was very, very good. If you are within 100 miles of Birmingham, google it and get along. The next meeting is 20th May and Christian Antognini is doing a double-header presentation and you will benefit from being there.

The next day I was in a meeting in London about organising the next UKOUG tech conference. This year it will be in Liverpool and a week later than normal. That might sound negative (way out THERE and THAT late?) but the venue is just right for the conference. There is more to do around that area of Liverpool than last year in Manchester or ineed there was for so many comfortable years in central Birmingham {I did start to drift more to locations in central Brum these last 3 or 4 years but it was a real effort to get people to go with me} and a lot of effort is going in to looking at the feedback from prior events to improve this net event in 2014. I am determined to get some of that feedback through. Though I would say that seeing as I am involved :-). I’ll mention some more details later this week or next week, depending on how my non-Oracle life taking it’s demands.

Tomorrow (today?) I am at the next UKOUG AIM SIG – it needs a better title – but it is the old RAC-HA SIG conjoined with my SIG that was about managing Oracle in large, complex or demanding environments, called the AIM SIG – but as it had the word “management” in it, so it scared many IT people away (it was more about *coping* with corporate management than being *about* corporate management). Anyway, we need to re-title it so you buggers realise it is actually a technical SIG aimed at helping us look at at and handle cluster issues and massive-system issues. Yes, it need to be two SIGs again, but the UKOUG is struggling with that, partly as your companies stopped letting you lot come to these meetings. I despair of large corporations, I really do… :-)

So that was a load of fluff about me coming back to the user-based fold and playing a role. I do intend to do some technical posts too, but that take a lot of effort. I have some half written but as I have lost access to the systems I did the real work on {hmmm, some I can still access but, legally, I should not even be TRYing} that make it less-than-easy for me to demonstrate my points with real-world but obfuscated examples. Recreating those examples on play systems is NOT a piece of play-time.

Which leads me on to one odd point I am sure I will come back to:

I’m “retired”.
I do not need to earn.
Do you have an interesting performance/architecture issue with Oracle you are stumped with?
I won’t work for free (after all, some people pay the bills doing this stuff and I DO need to earn enough to go and present/teach and the garden needs my free time). But I am kind of an easy mark at the moment.

Anyway, April 1st and I need to be in Reading for the next AIM SIG so I better finish this off.

So finally….

It’s (worryingly) good to be back.

Martin W

Friday Philosophy – Network to Work or Work to Network? December 20, 2013

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, Private Life.
Tags: , , , ,
11 comments

A couple of months ago my friend Big Dave Roberts blogged about the benefits of networking – as in social/business networking as opposed to using hairy string to connect bits of IT kit together – after we had met for a drink in Birmingham.

His point was that, though he had made a positive effort to network more to help his career (along with several other steps) networking had not in fact, as far as he could tell, helped his career. But he still did it because of the other benefits – meeting diverse people with different experiences and ideas and enjoying it.

By the way, I really do dislike the use of the word “Networking” in the social/business context as it smacks of PR/Sales type people just developing more contacts in order to make more money out of them, somewhat akin to milking cows. IE, in a totally self-centered manner where they really don’t give a hoot about the people they are fawning to. This is what business networking is anyway, isn’t it? I mean, do people really play golf for enjoyment?!? Or just to schmooze and get the contract or a promotion? :-) {Apologies to Carol and Rob, I know you really do enjoy golf. Oh and Neil. I think I just lost some friends…}.

I also made a decision way back in about 2002 to meet more people and build better links in the community. I was having to design some very large databases and there was not a lot of information out there about doing so as most people building VLDBS would not or could not talk about them officially. Then when I went self-employed again in 2007 I once more made a conscious effort to promote myself and network more, in order to help me get more work (in exactly the way I don’t like PR/Sales people doing it!).

I can’t say it helped me much either time. For one thing, despite the presenting and blogging and London Oracle Beers, I’m rather poor in the social skills area. I can come across as a bit of an idiot to my friends, who only let me off as they are friends. I actually find it a little hard to keep a conversation going with someone I do not already know, I can end up either being silent or I just come out with a random and never-ending stream of rubbish. For another, I just can’t fake sincerity. I could never be an actor. If I am not enjoying talking to someone I think it is obvious to them and I fall flat on my face. I can’t make myself laugh at someone’s anecdotes if, to me, they just are not entertaining. And I certainly can’t pretend to like someone who just isn’t someone I get on with. I can manage to be civil to them and work with them but I just can’t make myself spend any social time with them if I don’t have to. I’ll just invent dead Grandmother’s funerals to escape – see, I can’t even come up with convincing reasons to avoid networking with people who I don’t mesh with.

So I stopped networking. I just couldn’t do it.

I am now in the situation where I am aiming to only do only consultancy work and recruitment consultants are useless at getting you short-term consultancy work. Well, most of them are just useless at being human beings, but not many companies go to them to fill short-term needs and the agencies would make less money than they would spend filling the position. So if this is going to pan out for me, I need to get my work from my contacts, my network. Hell, I surely need to start Networking like some sort of crazed PR madman!

Well, I am not. I know it is just not in my nature and I am poor at it.

Something odd struck me about 4 years ago. I realised that half my work was coming about via friends. And when I was getting work via agencies, it seemed that either a friend had mentioned my name to the agent or the person interviewing me knew a friend of mine. Not someone I had networked with, but a proper friend, someone I would go out of my way to share a beer with or a coffee.

What I am going to do is what Big Dave and I have both ended up doing. I am just going to socialise more, for the primary reason of just wanting to socialise. A big part of the presenting and going to conferences is, for me, simply about meeting friends and having some fun. The London Beers is totally about that. I’ve discovered that despite me having no memory for names, an ability to insult people without trying and at times a total lack of comprehension of what is going on in other peoples’ heads, I actually enjoy meeting people. Well, most people. And Dave? I think having more friends does indeed lead to more work, but it takes a long time to pay dividends. Longer than most people (well, I) can fake it for via Networking, and the other benefits are more significant and immediate than the financial ones.

In fact, when my wife and I were talking about my “retiring” and she was asking me what I wanted to do over the next few years, one of them was to keep going to conferences and presenting. But that costs money. “So how are you going to pay for that Martin?” she asked – ” I’m not going back to work to pay for you to swan off to conferences and drink and discuss bloody block buffer latch chains and enjoy yourself!”. Well, I am still going to try and do this mythical consultancy work. Our agreement is that I can go to conferences if I earn enough to pay for it.

So, I am not networking to work. I am working to network.

And in fact the title of this blog is a lie. I am working to socialise. In my experience, for me, Networking fails. I hate Networking. I can’t Network. I can just about manage having some friends. Like Big Dave, Networking has not really got me any work, but being more sociable has allowed me to meet some very nice and/or interesting people and has led to *some* work.

So get out there and socialise more, it’s great. Just don’t Network and don’t play bloody golf.

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