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A couple of up-coming user group meetings August 18, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in Meeting notes, Presenting, User Groups.
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There are a couple of user group meetings in the UK that I’ll be attending (and talking at) in September.

On the 15th September I’ll be presenting at the UKOUG Database Server SIG in the Oracle London City office, talking about PL/SQL & SQL performance. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be covering yet, I have a few areas I’d like to talk about so I’ll have to pick one to do it justice. The meeting starts at 09:30 and is of course free to anyone with UKOUG membership (excepting the Bronze membership which only a few people have) – anyone can pay a small fee to come along. Contact the UKOUG or ask me if you want details. I’m pretty sure there will be some of us in a nearby public house after the event too.

The next meeting is the Yorkshire Database meeting on Tuesday 22nd September, from 18:30. This is the third YoDB event and I know they have been very good. I’ll be doing my talk on the fundamentals of Oracle’s architecture. I’m really quite excited about this meeting {and I know it is often a false “sell” thing to say about any IT event} because (a) it is a small, local grass-roots user group that I’ve helped promote and yet will be the first I’ll manage to get to and(b) I was at college in Leeds and so have a soft spot for the place. I still have some friends up there. This event is free to all but you DO have to register using the link above.

As ever, it’s great to meet people so please come over and say “hi” if you are at either event.

I’m hoping the postponed cluboracle meeting will happen in September too but either a new date has not been announced or it went by me.

If you want to see what events I’ll be at in the later quarter of the year, you can check out the “appearances and meetings” tab. It’s mostly smaller things like OOW and UKOUG Tech15 :-)

Friday Philosophy – Building for the Future August 14, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in Architecture, development, Friday Philosophy.
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I started my Oracle working life as a builder – a Forms & Reports Builder (briefly on SQL*Forms V2.3 but thankfully within a month or two we moved up to SQL*Forms V3, SQL*reportwriter V1.1 and SQL*Menu 5 – who remembers SQL*Menu?). Why were we called Builders? I guess as you could get a long way with those tools by drawing screens, utilising the (pretty much new) RI in the underlying Oracle V7 to enforce simple business rules and adding very simple triggers – theoretically not writing much in the way of code. It was deemed to be more like constructing stuff out of bits I guess. But SQL*Forms V3 had PL/SQL V1 built in and on that project we used it a *lot*.

I had been an “Analyst Programmer” for 3 years before then and I’ve continued to be a developer/programmer/constructor-of-code on and off over the intervening couple of decades. I’m still a developer at times. But sometimes I still think of it as being a “builder” as, if you do it write {sorry, little word-play joke there} you are using bits of existing stuff and code designs/patterns you know work well and constructing your system. The novel part, the bit or bits that have never been done before (at least by me), the “architecting” of those units into something interestingly different or the use of improved programming features or techniques vary from almost-none to a few percent. That is the part which I have always considered true “Software Development”.

So am I by implication denigrating the fine and long-standing occupation of traditional builders? You know, men and women who know what a piece of two-by-four is and put up houses that stay put up? No. Look at the below.
House_and_odd_feature

This is part of my neighbour Paul’s house. He is a builder and the black part in the centre with the peaked roof is an extension he added a few years back, by knocking his garage down. The garage was one of three, my two were where the garage doors you can see are and to the left. So he added in his two-story extension, with kitchen below and a very nice en-suite bedroom above, between his house and my ratty, asbestos-riddle garages. Pretty neat. A few years later he knocked down my garages and built me a new one with a study on top (without the asbestos!) and it all looks like it was built with his extension. Good eh? But wait, there is more. You will have noticed the red highlight. What is that white thing?

Closer in - did he forget some plumbing?

Closer in – did he forget some plumbing?


This pipe goes clean through the house

This pipe goes clean through the house

When I noticed that white bit after Paul had finished his extension I figured he had planned more plumbing than he put in. I kept quiet. Then, when he had built my new garage and study, I could not help ask him about the odd plumbing outlet. So he opened it. And it goes through the dividing wall all the way through to the other side of the house. Why?

“Well Martin, putting in cables and pipes and s**t into an existing house that go from one side to the other, especially when there is another building next door, as a real pain in the a**e. It does my ‘ead in. So when a build something that is not detached, I put in a pipe all the way through. Now if I need to run a cable from one side of the house to the other, I have my pipe and I know it is straight, clean, and sloping every so slightly downwards”. Why downwards? “Water Martin. You don’t want water sitting in that pipe!”.

I’ve noticed this about builders. When I’ve had work done that is good, there is at least one person on the team who thinks not just about how to erect or do what needs to be done today, they do indeed think about what you will need after the build is done, or in a few years. Such as hanging doors so they do not smack into the cupboards you will put in next… *sigh*. Paul is the thinking guy in his little team. I suspect one of the others is pretty smart too.

But isn’t this what the architect is for? To think about living with the building? Well, despite the 7 years plus needed to become a true architect (as that term really means, not as some stolen label for software designers with too much ego) I’ve had builders spot the pragmatic needs a couple of times that the architect missed.

And as I think we would all agree, a good software developer always has an eye on future maintenance and modification of the software they develop. And they want to create something that fits in the existing system and looks right. So just like my builder neighbour does.

I’m not a software architect. I’m a code builder. And I’m proud of it.

STANDARD date considerations in Oracle SQL and PL/SQL July 29, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in internals, PL/SQL.
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6 comments

Most of us know that the Oracle DATE datatype has upper and lower limits. From the Oracle 11g Database Concepts manual:

Oracle Database can store dates in the Julian era, ranging from January 1, 4712 BCE through December 31, 9999 CE (Common Era, or ‘AD’). Unless BCE (‘BC’ in the format mask) is specifically used, CE date entries are the default.

I never believe 100% anything I read, so I’ll try that. I’ll set my session to show dates with the AD/BC indicator and step back in time:

ora122> ALTER SESSION SET NLS_DATE_FORMAT = 'DD-MON-YYYYAD';
Session altered.

-- select today
ora122> select sysdate from dual;

SYSDATE
-------------
29-JUL-2015AD

--now let us go back to "the edge of time"
ora122> select sysdate -2457232 from dual;

SYSDATE-24572
-------------
01-JAN-4712BC

ora122> select sysdate -2457233 from dual;
select sysdate -2457233 from dual
               *
ERROR at line 1:
ORA-01841: (full) year must be between -4713 and +9999, and not be 0

-- Now to do similar in PL/SQL

--std1
declare
out_text varchar2(100);
begin
  select to_char(sysdate) into out_text from dual;
  dbms_output.put_line (out_text);
end;

ora122> @std1

31-DEC-4713BC

PL/SQL procedure successfully completed.

How did I do that? We can see from the SQL that the documentation is correct and SQL refuses to accept a date before the lower limit. How did I get a date before 01-JAN-4712BC in my PL/SQL? Especially as my default SYSDATE?

I’ll let you think about that for 30 seconds, you can look at a picture of my recently gone and much missed cat (NB she is happily snoozing in this shot!).

I miss this fleabag

I *really* miss this fleabag

So how did I do it? I cheated.

But I cheated in a very, very interesting way. I did not show you all of my PL/SQL code, which I now reveal below…:

declare
sysdate varchar2(20) := '31-DEC-4713BC';
begin
declare
out_text varchar2(100);
begin
  select to_char(sysdate) into out_text from dual;
  dbms_output.put_line (out_text);
end;
end;
/

So, showing you my whole code (see, don’t believe everything you read – sometimes things are simply wrong and sometimes people deceive you) you can see the critical part at the start. My anonymous PL/SQL block is in fact a child block to another. And in that parent block, right at the start, I over-ride the definition of SYSDATE. in the declaration section

sysdate varchar2(20) := ’31-DEC-4713BC’;

I not only set it to a specific value, I set it to be a Varchar(2) datatype. The TO_CHAR of it later on that I originally showed you was just more subterfuge on my part. The PL/SQL engine does not care if you TO_CHAR an already CHAR-type field, but it hid the fact that I’d played this trick.

You could define a local SYSDATE variable, as a date, set to a specific date and time if you wish. Even one in the future. And anyone seeing odd behaviour and checking to see if FIXED_DATE had been set would find that it had not and might soon be questioning their own sanity.

How many of you knew you could do that? You can over-ride what most of us would consider a Reserved Word. I suspect it is something that people new to PL/SQL might find out by accident (because no one told them you could not use reserved words for variable names) but experienced people would not as it is simply a daft thing to do. I’d go further, it is a stupid thing to do. Think how much trouble it could cause in introducing bugs and making the code hard to understand. {And thinking further about it, I might see if I can get re-employed at a couple of places and starting doing things like this, for the evil pleasure, as it could be an utter nightmare to spot}.

The reason this trick works is that SYSDATE, along with many interesting things, are not “Built In” to the PL/SQL language but are defined in two key packages – SYS.STANDARD and SYS.DBMS_STANDARD. These are always there and define many core things. You can DESC both of them in SQL*Plus or pull the package specification out of DBA_SOURCE and, unlike many of the other Built In packages, the code is not wrapped for STANDARD, so you can look at it. You can do this with a “lowly” DBA-type user, you do not need to be on as SYS or SYSTEM.

I am not sure of the exact rules but I think that when you use a locally qualified variable (ie you do not state the code block, package or stored function/procedure it comes from) it looks at the current variables as defined in the current and parent PL/SQL blocks first and then looks at STANDARD and then DBMS_STANDARD. I am not going to mess with STANDARD or DBMS_STANDARD, even on my play box, to find out the exact order of the two. If I spent 10 minutes looking at the specifications I might be able to see that one references the others I suppose…

This is part of the specification from DBMS_STANDARD:

package dbms_standard is
  -- types
   type ora_name_list_t is table of varchar2(64);

  -- DBMS_ID and DBMS_QUOTED_ID define the length of identifiers
  -- in objects for SQL, PL/SQL and users.
   subtype dbms_id is varchar2(30);
   subtype dbms_quoted_id is varchar2(32);

   subtype dbms_id_30 is varchar2(30);
   subtype dbms_quoted_id_30 is varchar2(32);
   subtype dbms_id_128 is varchar2(128);
   subtype dbms_quoted_id_128 is varchar2(130);

  -- Trigger Operations
  procedure raise_application_error(num binary_integer, msg varchar2,
      keeperrorstack boolean default FALSE);
    pragma interface (C, raise_application_error);         -- 1 (see psdicd.c)
    pragma restrict_references (raise_application_error, WNPS, RNPS, WNDS, RNDS);
  function inserting return boolean;
    pragma interface (C, inserting);                       -- 2
    pragma restrict_references (inserting, WNPS, RNPS, WNDS);
  function deleting  return boolean;
    pragma interface (C, deleting);                        -- 3
    pragma restrict_references (deleting, WNPS, RNPS, WNDS);
  function updating  return boolean;
    pragma interface (C, updating);                        -- 4
    pragma restrict_references (updating, WNPS, RNPS, WNDS);

You won’t find a package body of DBMS_STANDARD – that is because, I believe, all entries in the package specification are types or functions/procedures that lead to C functions, via the ADA-like {If you did not know, PL/SQL is based on the ADA language} pragma directives of “pragma interface (C, {something}), which says this function/procedure is coded in another language (C in this case) and is called {something}. Don’t ask me more, I don’t know.

eg:
procedure commit;
pragma interface (C, commit);

Even the base data types are defined in STANDARD:

package STANDARD AUTHID CURRENT_USER is              -- careful on this line; SED edit occurs!

  /********** Types and subtypes, do not reorder **********/
  type BOOLEAN is (FALSE, TRUE);

  type DATE is DATE_BASE;

  type NUMBER is NUMBER_BASE;
  subtype FLOAT is NUMBER; -- NUMBER(126)
  subtype REAL is FLOAT; -- FLOAT(63)
  subtype "DOUBLE PRECISION" is FLOAT;
  subtype INTEGER is NUMBER(38,0);
  subtype INT is INTEGER;
  subtype SMALLINT is NUMBER(38,0);
  subtype DECIMAL is NUMBER(38,0);
  subtype NUMERIC is DECIMAL;
  subtype DEC is DECIMAL;


  subtype BINARY_INTEGER is INTEGER range '-2147483647'..2147483647;
  subtype NATURAL is BINARY_INTEGER range 0..2147483647;
  subtype NATURALN is NATURAL not null;
  subtype POSITIVE is BINARY_INTEGER range 1..2147483647;
  subtype POSITIVEN is POSITIVE not null;
  subtype SIGNTYPE is BINARY_INTEGER range '-1'..1;  -- for SIGN functions

  type VARCHAR2 is NEW CHAR_BASE;

  subtype VARCHAR is VARCHAR2;
  subtype STRING is VARCHAR2;

  subtype LONG is VARCHAR2(32760);
...

Anyway, I leave the reader to go and look at the package specifications and the STANDARD package body {some of which I show at the end} but I leave you with a repeat of the above warnings: Don’t go replacing the core variables and functions in your PL/SQL code just because you can and do not, repeat, do NOT mess with those two packages. I am sure Oracle Corp will throw your support contract out the window if you do.

The code for SYSDATE, in SYS.STANDARD, is interesting – it calls a function (pessdt) that only calls a C program (presumably to get the datetime from the server clock) and failing that, reverts to the SQL method of selecting the pseudocolumn from dual:

  function pessdt return DATE;
    pragma interface (c,pessdt);

  -- Bug 1287775: back to calling ICD.
  -- Special: if the ICD raises ICD_UNABLE_TO_COMPUTE, that means we should do
  -- the old 'SELECT SYSDATE FROM DUAL;' thing.  This allows us to do the
  -- SELECT from PL/SQL rather than having to do it from C (within the ICD.)
  function sysdate return date is
    d date;
  begin
    d := pessdt;
    return d;
  exception
    when ICD_UNABLE_TO_COMPUTE then
      select sysdate into d from sys.dual;
      return d;
  end;
--
--
-- 
  function pessts return timestamp_tz_unconstrained;
    pragma interface (c,pessts);

  -- Special: if the ICD raises ICD_UNABLE_TO_COMPUTE, that means we should do
  -- the old 'SELECT systimestamp FROM dual;' thing.  This allows us to do the
  -- SELECT from PL/SQL rather than having to do it from C (within the ICD.)
  FUNCTION systimestamp RETURN timestamp_tz_unconstrained
  IS  t timestamp_tz_unconstrained;
  BEGIN
    t := pessts;
    RETURN t;
  EXCEPTION
    WHEN ICD_UNABLE_TO_COMPUTE THEN
      SELECT systimestamp INTO t FROM sys.dual;
      RETURN t;
  END;

I’ve Been Made an Oracle Ace Director July 16, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in ACED, Presenting, User Groups.
Tags: , , ,
12 comments

Well, I guess the title of this post says it all. As I tweeted yesterday:

I’m grateful, proud, honoured and overall just Jolly Chuffed to have been made an Oracle Ace Director! #ACED

I can now put this label on my belongings

I can now put this label on my belongings

I’ve been an Oracle ACE since 2011 and I’m really happy to be making the step up to being an Ace Director. What does being an ACE Director mean? Well, it certainly does not mean that I am technically brilliant. As my community role is as a technical person then I do have to be competent and experienced to be an ACE (or Associate or Director) – but there are many, many people out there who are technically superior to me and are not {and may well not want to be} ACEs of any kind.

To be an ACE of any flavour you have to be committed to supporting the Oracle User Community. The whole ACE program is, I believe, more about recognising and supporting that user community than anything else. Actually, the ACE program web site states this (ACE Program FAQ). To become an ACE Director you have to demonstrate that you have been actively supporting the community for a while (please do not ask me to quantify “a while”) and that you are committed to continuing that activity for at least 12 months. There are some specific activities and commitments that come with the badge but that is balanced by a commitment by the Ace Program to give you some support in doing so (this does not include being paid, it is still voluntary). As I understand it, all ACEs and ACE Directors are reviewed every 12 months and can be re-designated if your community activity has changed.

As I said above, there are a lot of technically strong people who are not and never will be ACEs. This is often because user community activity is not their thing – they have little interest in blogging, presenting, writing or volunteering for user groups. I also know some people who do all those things but they would rather do that with no specific acknowledgement by Oracle Corporation. I guess I am saying that though I am proud to now be an Oracle ACE Director, the main thing it tells you about me is that I am passionate about the user community and I am happy {heck, Jolly Chuffed} to be recognised by Oracle for that. And I am happy for that dialogue to be two-way also. One of the conditions of being an ACE Director is you play a part in representing the user community to Oracle.

Does this mean I have “drunk the Oracle Kool-Aid” as I think some of my American friends would call it? No. Before I became an Oracle ACE I chatted to several friends already on the program and no one I know has been told to not say anything or sanctioned by the ACE Program for criticising some aspect of Oracle Tech. We are still free to be Bitter Old Men & Women (apart from the Bitter Young ones of course). Anyone who has followed my blog for a while, seen me present a few times or spent a couple of evenings in the pub with me will known that I can, at times, be quite critical of aspects of the corporation or it’s software. There is no gagging of us ACEs that I am aware of.

Will being an Oracle ACE Director alter my user community activity? Well, it might. I was doing a lot for the community before now, I made a decision 2 or 3 years ago to become more active in the User Community {for the simple and selfish reason that I like doing it a lot more than I like commuting in and out of London every day}. You don’t do all of this for the ACE recognition, you do it for others reasons and maybe get the ACE badges on the way. But the program helps the Directors a little more, opens a few more doors. So I think I’ll be able to step it up a little more. I’m really looking forward to that.

I’ll stop there. If you are interested in another Oracle ACE Director’s take on the role, check out this video by my friend Tim Hall.

Friday Philosophy – Being Rejected by the Prom Queen July 13, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in conference, Friday Philosophy, Presenting, Tech15.
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If you follow me on twitter (and if you are on twitter, why would you *not* follow me :-) See Twitter tag on right of page -> ) you will know what the title is all about. I posted the below on my twitter feed a few weeks ago:

Submitting to speak at #OOW15 is like asking out prom queens. You live in hope – but expect rejection :-)

{BTW if prom queens are not your thing and you would rather be asking out the captain of the football/ice hockey/chess team, the vampire slayer or whatever, just substitute as you see fit.}

I’ve not submitted to Oracle Open World for years – in fact, I’ve never submitted papers to OOW. Of the two times I have spoken at the conference, once was at the request of an Oracle product manager as the “friendly customer” in his talk {I did 75% of the talking and was not even mentioned on the agenda!} and the other I was actually presenting back at Redwood Shores at an Oracle Life Science conference running parallel to OOW. Both were a decade ago. But this year I decided to give it a shot and put forward 3 talks – all technical but intro talks, which I thought they would like as it would be a nice balance to much of the content, which is either deep technical stuff or, more often, “how great is Oracle” presentations on the latest stuff. And for 2015, endless fluffy Clouds.

I know it is hard to get accepted at OOW and, despite my personal, utter conviction that my talks would be brilliant and wow the audience, I had no great hopes. I was up against the Oracle-Presenting-Equivalent of the Sports Jocks and children-of-the-fabulously-wealthy at college. But for a short & wonderful period, I actually thought she was going to say “yes”!!! You see, lots of my friends who had also “asked out the prom queen” were tweeting that they had been rejected. But I had not, no email in my inbox saying that whilst I was cute, we were not right for each other. In fact, when the odd tweet went out from people saying that one or two of their talks had been rejected but not all, I started to think I was going to slam-dunk the whole affair and get all 3 talks in! What would be the equivalent of that with the Prom Queen? Probably stuff her dad would not be happy about.

But no, I’d forgotten I’d submitted under my ORA600 email address and when I remembered, I found the email waiting there. All three rejected. No dancing with the Prom Queen for me. *sigh*. It was like she’d not only turned me down but rung up my mum to refuse my offer of a date, rather than tell me direct. I would not have found it so hard to take if only, for that short while, I thought I was going to get a “yes”.

I suppose it is only fair. I’ve been on the panel of people choosing the content for the database part of the UK Oracle User Group Tech15 conference in Birmingham. Notification for acceptance or rejection of submitted papers to that event went out just a day or two before the OOW notifications and I knew some of my friends were going to be disappointed. I worried about that a little, they knew I had been involved in the choice and so was partly responsible for them not being selected. {I really hope that the person who told me to stay on holiday in Montenegro as they knew where I lived was kidding….}.

OOW15 and UKOUG Tech15 actually had a common issue I believe – less physical space for talks. I’ve been told that the Moscone centre has been overhauled and some space is still not ready. For Tech15 we are sharing space with Apps again so do not have as much room as we would ideally like. However, the main issue (again for both events) is just the number of good presentations by good speakers that we get. If we had space for 6 concurrent database streams at the same time (we do have space for 4 or 3, depending on the day) we would still have more than enough good talks – and the delegates would have to be picking between maybe 3 or 4 talks out of the 6 that they personally would like to see – and feeling they were missing out no matter what.

I’ll say more at a later date about how we actually pick the talks (the post is half written) but the take home message for anyone rejected from UKOUG Tech15 this year is:
(a) The competition was strong.
(b) You have a known target for your anger (Look, it really is 90% decided by the judging scores!!!)
(b) You can take comfort schadenfreude in the knowledge that I (and several other committee members) have suffered exactly the same disappointment as you. Maybe worse for me – for a while I was convinced the haughty little minx was going to say yes….

If you got rejected by OOW15 then I think the important things to keep in mind are:
(a) It’s all just Sales Pitch & Company flag waving & cloud-cloud-cloud and you never really liked that prom queen anyway. {Me? Bitter?}
(b) There is a stellar line up of people who have also been rejected. Try checking out the twitter tag #TeamRejectedByOracleOpenWorld {quick nod to Tim Hall for coming up with a such a funny idea}.
(c) At least you put in for it. The one way to be sure you won’t get something is to not try.

Oh well, there is always next year. If my ego has recovered by then. I quite fancy the new captain of the chess team…

Computers are Logical. Software is Not July 3, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in development, Friday Philosophy, future.
Tags: , ,
2 comments

We’ve all heard it before. Computers are totally logical, they do exactly what they are told. After all, Central Processing Units (CPUs) are built out of fundamental units called Logic Gates. With perhaps the exception when a stray cosmic ray gets lucky, the circuits in a computer chip and memory act in a totally logical and predicted manner.

And of course, anything built on top of computers will be utterly logical as well. All those robots that companies are designing & building to clean our houses, do our manual labour and fight our wars are going to be logical, follow the rules given and be sensible.

But they are not. As Software is not logical. Often, it is infuriatingly illogical and confusing. Which makes you worry about the “domestic servant” robots that companies are developing, the planned “disaster scene recovery” robots they keep telling us are coming and especially the “Killer Robots” -sorry, “Defense Robots” – that the military are beavering away at.

This XKCD cartoon very much refelects some recent experiences I have had with consumer software:

XKCD - Haunted Computer

XKCD – Haunted Computer

I’d say that, unless an algorithm is about as simple as a Centigrade-to-Fahrenheit conversion program, it will have a bug or will mess up with out-of-range values. Just think back to when you wrote your Centigrade-to-Fahrenheit program (we all have, haven’t we?) back at school or on your home computer or you first week on the college course. What happened if you input a temperature of -1000C, an impossible temperature? I bet it either fell over or gave a just-as-impossible Fahrenheit value. Logical but stupid.

I worked on a financial system a few years back that, as one very small but significant part of what it did, showed you your average spend on things over 3 years. It took several weeks to explain to the program manager and his minions that their averaging code was wrong. Utterly, hopelessly and tragically wrong. First, it calculated and displayed the value to several decimal places – To thousandths of a penny. Secondly, it did not take into account the actual period over which you had spent your money. If you had opened your account 1 year ago, it still calculated the value over 3 years. As for taking into account months, weeks and days of the year, don’t make me laugh. You might be able to forgive this except the same team had also written the code to archive off data once it was 3 years old – in whole years. So there would only be between 2 and 3 years of data and only 3 whole years for, theoretically, 1 day. But no, they had hard-coded the “divide by 3 years”.

We have all experienced endless issues with computers or peripherals that will work one day, not work properly the next and then go back to working. Firmware and Operating Systems are just software really, with the same flaws as the stuff we write and fix in our working lives day after day. There will be a twisted reason buried deep somewhere why the printer will not work on Thursdays, but it won’t be a sensible reason.

All the software out there is more or less illogical and broken. The less broken gets used and we learn it’s idiocies. The worst gets canned or labelled “Windows 8” and forced on us.

Crazy (illogical) Killer Robot

Crazy (but logical) Killer Robot

I know some people worry about the inexorable rise of the machines, Terminator Style maybe, or perhaps benign but a lot smarter than us (as they are logical and compute really, really fast) and we become their pets. But I am not concerned. The idiot humans who write the software will mess it up massively. Oh, some of these things will do terrible harm but they will not take over – they will run out of bullets or power or stop working on Thursday. Not until we can build the first computer that is smart enough to write sensible software itself and immediately replaces itself with something that CAN write a Centigrade-to-Fahrenheit conversion program that does not mess up. It will then start coding like a human developer with 1 night to get the system live, a stack of angry managers and an endless supply of Jack Daniels & coffee – only with no errors. With luck it will very soon write the perfect computer game and distract itself long enough for us to turn the damned thing off.

Friday Philosophy – At What Point Can You Claim a Skill? June 26, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, Knowledge.
Tags: , ,
9 comments

I’ve just installed Oracle 12C on my laptop {I know, why only now?}. I went for the option to have a Container database with a pluggable database within it. {It is easy and free to install Oracle on your own home machine – so long as it is for personal use only and you are singed up to OTN (which is also free) }.

12C with pluggable databases (PDBs) is a little different to the last few versions of Oracle as it introduces this whole concept of the Container database that holds portions of the data dictionary and, within that, what we used to think of as Oracle instances plugged in underneath it. It is not *quite* like that – but this post is not about the technical aspects of Oracle 12C multitentant databases. And you will see why.

Whenever something I know well has changed more than a bit, I tend to hit this wall of “Whoa! it’s all changed!”. It isn’t all changed, but sometimes some of the fundamentals, the basics are different. For the last 15 years, once I have my database up and running I will have created my test users and some objects within 10 minutes and be playing away. Not this time. How do you create a user in a multi-tenant DB? How do I tell Oracle to create my users in that PDB? Hang on, how do I even check what I called my PDB? My ignorance is huge.

I popped over to Tim Hall’s site, OracleBase and the section on creating users under multi-tenant Oracle, scanned Bryn Llewellyn’s White Paper on it. A few google searches as well and soon I was there. My standard test to make sure the DB is alive, “select sysdate from dual” – only I altered it to show the PDB:

select SYSDATE from Dual

select SYSDATE from Dual

So I am logged into my working PDB on 12C, I have selected sysdate from DUAL, created my new user. I have used Oracle 12C and multitentant.

Next step?

Update CV to claim 12C expert and experience of Multi-tenant Oracle Database

This is of course a joke on my part.

Sadly, some people would actually do this.

It is something that has always annoyed me and often seems rife in the I.T. industry – people claiming skills or even expertise in something they have barely touched, let alone understood. And often about a thousand miles away from any legitimate claim to Expert. I chortle whenever I see a CV from someone with only 2 or 3 years’ experience of Oracle but list 20 areas they are expert in. Before I throw the CV in the bin.

Maybe part of the issue is that I.T. moves so fast and people feel they need to be seen to be on top of the changes to be worth employing or being listened to. Well, it’s nice to be leading edge – for much of my career I’ve been lucky enough to be exposed to the latest version of Oracle either as soon as it is out or even before (beta programs). But much more important is to have some integrity. Claiming to be an expert when you are not is incredibly dangerous as anyone who really does know the subject is going to suss you out in no time at all. And you will be exposed as a fraud and a liar. Gaining any respect after that is going to be really hard work, and so it should be.

Sadly, you do get the situation where people get away with this sort of deceit, usually by managing to deceive non-technical management but annoying the real technicians around them. Many of us have suffered from this.

This issue of claiming a skill before you had was very common with Exadata when it came out. Lots of people, it seemed, read the white papers, looked at some blogs and maybe saw a couple of talks – and then started talking to people about Exadata as though they knew it inside out. I actually saw a “professional” presentation like this at a conference, on Exadata, where it was soon clear that the presenter had probably never got as far as “select sysdate from dual;” on an exadata box (not that there is any difference for that statement :-) ). I could not help but interrupt and query a statement that was utterly untrue and at that point the presenter checked his “facts” with a more senior member of his company in the crowd. To his shame, the senior member of staff repeated the error of claiming knowledge he also did not have to back the presenter up. Every time I come across that company now, I think of that.

So when can you claim a skill? If you look at my screen shot you will see that I failed to actually log into my PDB database with my new user – #fail. Of course I can’t claim these skills based on reading some information, seeing some talks and all of an hour’s practical experience.

I think you can only claim a skill once you can tell for sure if someone else also has that skill. Or more significantly, tell when they are claiming a skill they lack. Personally, I tend towards not claiming a skill if I doubt my abilities. Don’t worry, my huge ego balances that British self-doubt quite well :-)

I used to give introductory talks on Exadata as I got so tired of the poor information I saw being given on the subject. Also, all the best talks were soon about the details of smart scans, the storage cells and patching. Not much for newbies. Interestingly, even as an intro talk, most times I did the talk I learnt something new in discussions at or after the talk. But I’ve retired that talk now. Why? Well Exadata has moved forward 2 versions since I last used it and 3 since I used it in anger. I could no longer tell you if something someone claimed for V5 of Exadata was true or not. So I am no longer skilled in Exadata.

Only claim skills you have.
Distrust those who claim skills they lack.
Try to teach those who seek your skills – you will only get better for it.

Return from The Temple of Apple June 22, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in Private Life, rant.
Tags: , ,
4 comments

I doubt many of you are on tenterhooks as to how I got on with my phone today {after my << rant last Friday}. But I’m going to tell you anyway.

Overall, Apple have gone some way to redeeming themselves.

I got myself down into Cambridge this morning to visit the Apple Store, at my allotted slot of 10:10 {I later witnessed someone attempting to be 15 minutes early for their slot – and they were asked to go and have a coffee and come back. The customer was unimpressed as they had lugged some huge Apple monitor in with them}.

I have to say, walking into the store was somewhat like entering some form of modern temple. The clean lines, the two parallel runs of “desks” with precisely & spaciously laid-out items to worship, lit by discrete banks of lights in the ceiling. Down the center was a clear path to allow you to move deeper into the hallowed space, with a scattering of worshipful believers moving between the icons. And, at the end, a cluster of acolytes in blue tops gathered around and before the “Apple Genius Bar” alter.

I approached the alter…err, service desk… and was very soon approached by an acolyte holding a prayer tablet (iPad mini 3) in front of them. My name was on the list, my time was now. I would be granted an audience. I was directed to a stool to one side to await my turn.

Thankfully, the wait was short and ended when Dave came over, Dave turned out to be a friendly, open and helpful chap who managed to take the edge off what was frankly a bit of an OTT ambiance if you ask me. So far my impression had been that (a) you can see why the kit is so expensive to support this sort of shop frontage and space-to-item ratio, something I had only really come across before in Bose shops & car dealerships and (b) it’s just a shop selling I.T. kit, get over yourselves. Dave (not his real name, I’m afraid I forgot his real name, but he looked like a Dave – and had a great beard) listened to my potted history of the battery woes and upgrade deaths, looked over the phone briefly and then plugged it into one of the banks of MACs. It pulled up the ID of the phone and {Huzzah!!!!} set about blatting everything on it and reloading the OS I think. It took a few minutes (I read my paper magazine – “New Scientist”) and then the phone rebooted…. and put up the Apple icon… and thought about it. I could see Dave thinking “this is taking a bit longer than normal”. Anyway, the thing finally came alive.

We chatted about what the root cause could be as he said he had not heard of anyone having multiple upgrade issues and it just locking like this. He went and asked a more senior acolyte (perhaps already in the priesthood) and his opinion was that it might be a faulty motherboard – in which case all bets were off and I’d have to basically buy a new phone for £200. Dave said I might as well not bother and put the money towards getting a nice, new iPhone 6, as they were only £500 or so. I wonder what the Apple shop staff get paid to think £500 is no big shakes.

Meanwhile, Dave had verified the phone battery was indeed covered by the recall and it would be two hours to complete the work. Was I happy to get that done today? Sure, I’m happy to drink coffee and eat a bun somewhere for 2 hours. So off I went. And came back (witnessing the taking to task of a customer arriving before their time – they did let them leave the monitor behind in the end). My phone was presented back to me, working, and I just had to sign on a tablet. Sorry about using the indelible marker pen, guys. I took a photo of the temple and made a quick test call outside the shop to ensure all was OK – and it was. And apart from the brief suggestion of buying a new iPhone 6, no financial cost had been incurred (except the park & ride in, cost of coffee & bun and a lost morning).

I was soon back home and ready to restore my backup from last week. I plugged in the phone, iTunes recognised it, ran the restore… and the phone is no different – none of my contacts, no change to icons, layout or background, nothing – but now iTunes says it does not recognise the device. Ohhhh shit. Oh, and the photo of the Apple Temple is gone (it was going to be at the start of this update). A couple of hours later and trying many things, I think I know what the issues are and maybe were:

1) The device is just a bit dodgy and sometimes/often the connection with iTunes just ends (I’ve swapped cables, I know it is not that) .
2) It would not restore the backup with “Find My iPhone” running – but due to (1) it usually did not get so far as telling me that. I wonder if updates would fail for the same reason? They were very insistent I turn off the feature before I went into the shop, but of course with a locked up phone I could only do this at the web end.

I turned off the feature on the phone, ran the restore again and this time it completed and left me with a phone that worked and looked like it did a week ago.

So I eventually got the phone restored and it works as well as it did – but hopefully with more battery life. It will be interesting to see if the reception issues are any better. I kind of doubt it. It’s now at iOS 8.3 as well. Deep Joy.

My final conundrum now is that, given that my phone contract that partially paid for the phone in the first place ended a couple of months back, do I stick with this device and hope all is now OK? Or do I spend more money replacing something that is only just over 2 years old? And do I get anything but an iPhone? After all, both my wife’s iPhones have worked OK and they are nice when working. But I’m not a member of the Apple Congregation and have no desire to join.

One thing I do know. I won’t be putting the old Samsung phone I’ve had to fall back on away just yet.

Friday Philosophy – Friday Afternoon Phone June 19, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in Friday Philosophy, Private Life.
Tags: , ,
6 comments

{<<my earlier attempts to sort out my phone}
{Update on my trip to the Apple Store >>}

There used to be a phrase in the car industry in the UK (I don’t know about elsewhere) a “Friday Afternoon Car“. This is a car which is unusually unreliable, as it was built on Friday afternoon when the workers were tired, the weekend was coming and, heck, they might have been to the pub at lunch. It is occasionally used just to describe something that is a bit crap and unreliable.

I have a Friday Afternoon Phone it would seem. I am fast becoming quite disillusioned with it. You may remember my post about my sitting on said phone to make it work again. It’s an iPhone 5, I bought it as I was finally persuaded that it would be more useful to have a smart phone than the “temporary” cheap Samsung I had bought about 2 years prior to then – as an emergency replacement for my previous web-enabled phone that committed suicide with a jar of pickled onions (it’s a long, hardly believable story). I expected the Samsung to keep me going for a month or two but it was so simple and reliable it just stayed in use for over 2 years.

Your Honour, allow me to present item A and item B

Your Honour, allow me to present evidence item A and item B

Comparison:
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Phone A. . . . . . . . . . . . Phone B
Cost. . . . . . . . . . .£400 or so . . . . . . . . . £15 with a free £10 pay-as-you-go top up.
Battery . . . . . . . . New, 8-12 hours. . . . . .New, a week
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Now, 4-5 hours. . . . . . Now, a week!
Reliability . . . . . . Breaks every update . . .No issues ever
Making calls. . . . .6/10. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .9/10
Receiving calls . . .4/10. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9/10
Plays Angry Birds. Yes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .No
Taking pictures . . 9/10. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 0/10
Helps me up a . . . Yes. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . No
mountain
Connection to web 6/10. . . . . . . . . . . . . .Are you kidding? But I’m mostly sat at a computer anyway
Impresses friends. No. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yes, for all the wrong reasons :-)

{There must be a better way to line up text in this wordpress theme!!!}

The Web Enabled Phone that Does not Like to Connect
In some ways the iPhone has been really good. The screen (at the time I bought it) was very good, apps run nice and fast, way too much software is available for it and it can hold a lot of pictures and videos before running out of space. Its size also suits me. But phone and web reception has always been a bit poor and its ability to hold onto a wireless connection seems to be especially questionable – as soon as a few other devices are contending for a router with my iPhone, my iPhone seems to give up its hold on the connection and sulk. I’ve had this in several places in several countries. I’m the only one up? Phone connects fine. 2 others wake up and connect? I’m off the network. I’ve also often been in a busy place (conference, sports event) and everyone else seems to be on the net but my phone just pretends.

Battery Blues
And of course, there is the issue of the battery becoming very poor. It runs on a full charge for only a few hours and if it gets cold it has a tendency to act like a squirrel and hibernate. I now carry around the spare battery pack my wife got given by her work for her work phone use abroad. The good news is, having been put on to it by Neil Chandler, I am now aware my phone has been recalled for a battery replacement. What I am a little irked about is that Apple have my details and the serial number of the phone but have never contacted me directly to let me know. OK, it is not a car (it’s just like a car – a Friday Afternoon Car) so I am unlikely to die as a result of the fault, but if they know it has a fault and it did cost a good whack of cash to buy, they should be being moral and contacting me.

Upsetting Upgrades
But the thing that utterly hacks me off is how it does not handle upgrading to the next version of iOS. I had an upgrade early on in my relationship with the phone and it blew everything off the phone. Not a big issue then as I had not had it long. But it made me cautious about upgrading. About this time last year the phone was insisting it must be upgraded and things were getting flaky (I suspect software manufacturers do this on purpose – I’ve noticed my PC running Windows can start acting odd when an update is due). Before doing anything, I backed it up. Or tried to. The first attempt said it worked but it was too swift to have backed up anything, let alone back up my photos. After then it just refused to back up. But the phone utterly refused to allow me access to the photos from my PC – it should do of course but no, nothing would pries those images out of the phone. I was particularly concerned as I had lots of snaps from a friend’s wedding. Said friend eventually helped me out by pushing all my photos to an iCloud account (It’s Just A Server On The Net) in a way he could access. I then updated the phone and, yep it failed. And locked the phone and I had to factory reset and lost all the photos. It had also lied about uploading the pictures to the net (which it took hours to not do) so they had gone for good. Grrrrr.

So this time when it started getting dodgy I managed to save all my photos (Huzzah!), backed it up, ran through the update – and it failed and locked up the phone. *sigh!!!!*. Only, this time it won’t respond even after a factory reset. My iTunes is up-to-date, it could see the phone OK at the start of the update (because I was doing it via iTunes!) but now it won’t see the phone and once I try, guess what, iTunes also locks up. So the phone is useless. I can’t help wonder if the battery issue and the failure to ever upgrade smoothly are linked somehow (by eg it being rubbish).

So I pop along to the kitchen drawer with the odds n’ sods in and pull out the old Samsung & charger and plug it in. 20 minutes later, I have a working phone. Turns out I have no credit on it anymore but I can sort that out. It even gets reception in the kitchen (I have to lean out the window of the back bedroom to get the iPhone to pick up a reliable signal at home).

Oh No! I have to Contact Apple!
Now the real fun starts. I contact my local Apple shop. Only I don’t, I access a damned annoying voice system that smugly announces “I understand full sentences” and immediately knows who I am and what my device is and when it was bought (as Apple have my details including home phone) – and it was over 2 years ago and it wants me to agree to a paid support package to go further. Of course it won’t give me options to speak to a human or understand “full sentences” even when I shout “battery issue recall” and “your update killed my phone!” plus various permutations at it. It also did not understand the sentence “I want to speak to a person”.

I eventually trick it by pretending that I will buy a support package. Huzzah, a human to talk to. Said human is helpful, pleasant, a bit hard to understand (usual call center woes of background noise and she has the microphone clipped to her socks). I explain that the phone has a recall on it and I just want that sorted and a proper reset. She’s not sure I can have this without a support package {after all, her job is to sell me some support and I am breaking her script} but she says the battery might be replaced under the recall (she has all my details, she can see the iPhone serial number, she could check!). “So I can drop it off at the store?”.

I expect “yes”. I get “no”. I have to organise an appointment. A 10 minute slot. Why? I want to drop off some kit for you to repair and I’ll come back another day. I am not making an appointment to see a doctor to discuss my piles. No, I have to have an appointment. On Monday at 10:10 or “plrbsburhpcshlurp” as the mike once once slips down the sock. OK, 10:10 Monday, she’s getting tired of me saying “please repeat that”. Then she says what sounded like “and the repair may cost up to £210 if there is a hardware fault”. WHAT?!? I don’t fully understand what she says next – but she understands I am not going to pay £210 to fix a device that has a known fault and has been screwed over again by their software update, so she backs off to “they can look at the device and advise me”.

It’ll be interesting to see how it goes on Monday. At 10:10 am. If they try and charge me hundreds of pounds to reset the damned thing or tell me (after I’ve checked) that they won’t replace the dying battery, I can imagine me becoming one of those ranting, incoherent people you see on YouTube. If they want anything more than the cost of an evening in the pub to get it working, I think it will become a shiny, expensive paperweight.

Meanwhile, welcome back Reliable Samsung Phone. You still seem to make calls just fine. Still not able to play Angry Birds though.

Analysing UKOUG Presenter’s – I Know How You Performed. June 16, 2015

Posted by mwidlake in conference, Presenting, UKOUG, User Groups.
Tags: , , ,
2 comments

This last few days I’ve been analysing how well received previous presentations (since 2006!) have been at the UKOUG tech conferences. It’s interesting to look at the information. I’ve learnt some interesting things about all those well-known-names :-)

Like many conferences and user group meetings, during the conference and shortly afterwards the UKOUG ask attendees to feed back on the presentations, keynotes and round tables that people go to. If you chair a session, one of your tasks is to request people do the feedback forms. Talks are judged for several aspect (concept, quality of slides, presentation skills, overall value and a couple more) from 1 (very poor) to 6 (excellent). You can also add a free-text comment. The reason for an even number of possible scores it to prevent a non-committal middle score. Why not 1-8 or 1-10? I don’t really know, but I did see a blog post recently about using a wider range and it seemed to not really add to the overall benefit of the feedback as the very top and very bottom scores were never used. This information is compiled and fed back to the individual speakers, along with the average scores across the event. Speakers are very keen to know how they did compared to everyone else {no egos involved here :-) } and also any specific comments on their efforts. It is important to us speakers, we need to know if you liked or disliked what we did so we can improve. Or sulk.

This is an example of the feedback we get (one of mine, of course).
Speaker Scores

Something that has annoyed me for many years is that the speaker scores are not formally analysed and fed into the speaker selection process for future UKOUG conferences. I used to get really quite vexed by this {ie bad tempered and, well, annoying & complaining to the UKOUG office}. I suspected they were going to do to me what you should always consider doing to some loud-mouthed complainer and say “well, if you are so passionate about this – you damn well do it!”. So I offered to take the data and process it.

The information I received was not the raw feedback forms, but the average scores per talk – the information actually passed back to the presenters. Which is perfect for my purposes. I analysed data from 2006 to 2014 {though 2008 was missing), so a pretty comprehensive data set. SIG talk feedback is also missing, I’ll work with the UKOUG office to incorporate that for version 2 of the analysis.

Compiling all the data into a single rating per speaker is more demanding than first seems. Isn’t any data analysis project? Rather than consider all areas speakers are judged on I decided to score people on only two dimensions (areas to you and I) – presentation skills and overall value of the session. When we judge papers those are the two main things we want to know – can the person present well and do they usually give a talk people value.

Some of the challenges were:
– What to score speakers on – I’ve just said what I chose.
– People’s names. I need to group talks on this but it’s a free-text field of course so I had to clean that. I stripped off title, edited variations and then reviewed. For women, their Surname can alter with marital status {I find it rather archaic that this is still very common and almost exclusively impacts women. But then, I offered to my wife we use her maiden name as our married one and she was fine to take mine.} But you also get variations on first name, spelling mistakes and alterations of title. I had to solve that to group scores.
– The number of feedback forms received for a given presentation. If a presentation only gets one feedback form, how reliable are the scores? If it gets 5 feedback forms, how reliable is that? 35 forms? I came up with a weighting based on the number of feedback forms where if only 1 feedback score was given, it held less weight than 5, that held less weight than 15… etc.
– Oddities of eg co-presenters or the “speaker” actually being a facilitator, as is often the case with Round Table sessions.
– The data, as held in Excel, being “damaged”. ie it caused my analysis issues as things had been done to the data to support other purposes – what was important to the UKOUG organising the conference that year. Sorting those issues out took up most of my efforts.
– The fact that I was using Excel as the analysis tool. I’m a SQL guy!!!! But the thing is, with a relatively small volume of data and a need to constantly visually check alterations, some things are just much easier in a tool like Excel than SQL. And some things are way harder.

In the end, I got a set of scores that helped us on the Agenda Planning Day (well, it did in the database stream) and hopefully will develop over the years. It would be wrong of me to discuss how specific Oracle Names did, especially any who did poorly, but the scores informed our deliberations this year and should do so for years to come. If you want to contact me directly and ask me how you did – I won’t tell you (or anyone else). But I can talk about more generic things I discovered.

Over all presentations from 2006 to 2014
the average number of feedbacks for a session is around 10
The average for Presentation Skills is 4.6
The average for Overall Value is 4.5

So almost 4.5 out of 6 as the average scores, which is “Good” to “Very Good”.

NB I do not calculate my averages in the same way as the UKOUG office.

Because I weight my scores and remove zero values (and probably a couple of other differences, such as I already have averages not the raw scores) my average scores do not compare and are higher to the ones they issue for events. I think I am a harsher judge :-)

So what were some of the interesting things I discovered?

  • Well, for starters, scores for a given presentation rarely hit as low as 3. In fact, except for a small number of stand-out-bad talks, most scores of 3 were where only 1 feedback score was received, some with 2. We don’t seem to like giving low feedback scores. The same goes for 6. I only saw 6 if the number of feedback forms was 1 or 2. So reliable scores are between 3.01 and 5.99 really.
  • As I was stripping off people’s title by manual replacement runs, I know how many Mrs, Ms, Miss, Dr etc we get. Miss and Ms go up – and down – over the years. It varies a lot, but Ms is becoming more common. What is disappointing is the consistently low number of presentations by women. But I know that in the years I have been involved, the proportion of presentations by women is in proportion to the number of submissions, or even a tad higher. Come on ladies, represent your constituents! Some of the highest speaking scores are by women.
  • Another thing I get from the person title, we get no papers submitted by Professors, Colonels (or any military bigwigs), members of the clergy or peers of the realm. Or members of royal families. They are simply not trying are they?
  • On a personal note – I am Utterly Average. Over 8 years I fall number 296 and 298 out of 623 speakers for Presentation Skills and Overall Value respectively. Have you any idea how much that damaged my ego?!? I was gutted! Where I am a little more unusual is my average number of feedback scores, which is 21.6, in the top 15%. I’m massaging my ego with that (it’s all I’ve got!).
    {what is really vexing is I dug out my scores from earlier years and they were better than my running average – and my scores are pulled down by one talk in 2010 where I really bombed. Have you any idea how tempting it was for me to delete that one talk out of the data set?}
  • Some speakers, a small number, always-always-always get high votes, mostly as they are excellent but with an added slice I suspect of of, well, they are deeply respected. But interestingly, even well known people (what I think of as the ‘B’ list and even a couple of ‘A’ listers in my opinion) can bomb. Some regularly. I mean, if you saw the scores for….no, I won’t say :-).
    But the scores for individual speakers can and do vary. I saw one speaker, who in my opinion is a brilliant technician and a fantastic speaker, be up in the high 5.8’s for one talk and then down in the low 3’s for another. That made me dig in further and there are several people I know and hold a similar opinion on who have high and low talks. So that makes me feel that the user feedback scores are generally reliable and even respected speakers will get a poor score if the talk misses it’s mark. The best just simply never miss the mark, or not by much.
  • Not to be too harsh, but if you score 4 or below for either presentation skills or overall value and got 3 or more feedback forms – you bombed.

But bombing occasionally is OK. I’ve bombed (well, this close to bombed) and I’ve learned. Many excellent presenters have bombed. We all alter in our presenting skills over time. Most of you get better over time – I’ve got a tiny bit worse! But if you bomb all the time? Then maybe presenting is not your thing. It is not the only route to spreading the word, maybe try writing. But, again to be harsh, if you can’t present we owe it to the delegates of the conference not to select you to present.

Those of us organising the content know, as a group, who the best speakers are. We ensure that they get slots. And we have a good feel for who the better speakers are and they get looked on “favorably”. We do this as we want the best content and experience for the audience. Eric Postlethwaite may be a genius at VPD and know it inside out, but if they present like a cardboard cut-out with bad breath then the session will be a failure. Judging scores are the top filter but we on the planning committee keep in mind how good a speaker is. What worried me was that this was not scientific, it was word-of-mouth and gut-feel, which is why I spent many days in Excel World to take the raw feedback and convert it into scores. I want the audience feedback to influence the content.

If you speak (or have spoken) for the first time and your scores are below average, don’t worry too much. As you can see from the above, you are up against a pre-selected set of known, excellent speakers. Hitting average is actually something of an achievement (and I would say that as I am Mr Average!).

One thing jumped out at me. I looked at all the comments (and I do mean all) for a couple of years and I noticed that you get the odd person who tries to “make a point” by adding the same comment to all the speakers’ feedback forms they fill in. Don’t do that. The speakers do not deserve your ire at the conference. It’s childish of you. If you want to raise an issue with the conference as a whole, don’t spam it on the speaker feedback forms, you dilbert, be an adult and contact someone involved in the conference organisation direct. Oddly enough, we DO like to have people come and say what you felt did not work, but spamming it on all the speaker feedback forms is just non-directed trolling.

I said I would not name names, it is not fair. But I’m going to name one though, and this is based on MY opinion of what I have seen looking at the stats. This is not official UKOUG opinion. Connor McDonald? Your presentation skills are awesome. I wanted to edit your scores down through pure envy. You are a good presenter, sir.

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